THREES-A-MOON (LUNA DE TRES) A short comedy of asphalt, dead zones, and third wheels.

THREES-A-MOON

(LUNA DE TRES)

A short comedy of asphalt, dead zones, and third wheels.

BY GAVARRE BENJAMIN

INDAUTOR

Characters:

• MARCO: The boyfriend. High-strung, intense, deeply in love.

• SOL: Codependent, loving, slightly hysterical.

• BETO: The tow-truck driver. Chill, a "road sage," a guardian angel in greasy overalls.

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SCENE 1: THE DESERT AND THE RADIATOR

EXT. LONELY HIGHWAY (MOJAVE DESERT) - DAY

A vintage convertible (or just a piece of junk) is pulled over on the shoulder. Thick white smoke billows from the hood. The landscape is pure Mad Max: shimmering heat waves, Joshua trees, and an endless ribbon of melting asphalt.

MARCO (Waving his phone in the air)

Nothing! Not even a single bar! This desert is a black hole for LTE! Verizon has forsaken us at the worst possible moment in human history!

SOL (Hugging him from behind, clinging like a koala)

Calm down, baby. The universe is sending us a signal… that we don’t need signals. It’s a forced spiritual retreat.

MARCO

Sol, the "universe" just fried our radiator. Let go of me for a second! The friction is making my body temperature hit a hundred and ten!

SOL (Squeezing tighter)

No! If I let go, I feel like I’ll lose you in the vastness of the Mojave. Besides, I have to pee.

MARCO

Fine, go behind that bush. There’s about three thousand miles of identical bushes right there.

SOL

Alone? Are you crazy? What if a Mojave Green rattlesnake bites me? What if I get abducted by a desert cult? You have to come with me and hold my hand while the "act" happens. If you don’t go, I don’t go. And if my bladder explodes, it’ll be our first marital tragedy.

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SCENE 2: THE HIERARCHY OF PRIORITIES

A car streaks past at 90 mph. Marco jumps, waving his arms like a madman. The car doesn’t even slow down, leaving them in a cloud of grit and dust.

MARCO (Coughing)

Son of a—! That’s the third one! Nobody stops! Humanity is CRUEL AND HEARTLESS!

SOL

It’s because we aren’t projecting "trustworthy vibes." Give me the phone. As soon as I get a signal, I’m calling my mom.

MARCO (Freezes)

Your mom? Is your mom a mechanic? Does she carry a hydraulic jack in her purse? The first call goes to AAA or a 24/7 roadside service!

SOL

My mom needs to know I’m alive! If I don’t check in every four hours, she gets heart palpitations. It’s called "emotional hierarchy," Marco. She’ll know what to do.

MARCO

It’s called "survival hierarchy!" First the mechanic, then the insurance, then a therapist for us… and in the year 2077, your mother!

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SCENE 3: THE MIRACLE OF THE "SINGLE BAR"

Suddenly, Marco’s phone lets out a sharp BEEP. They both dive for the device, cheek to cheek, wrestling for it.

MARCO

Signal! One bar! Let me call for a tow!

SOL (Manages to snatch the phone)

It’s my turn to use the thumb! Mommy! Mommy!

MARCO (Screaming at the receiver that Sol is holding away)

SOL’S MOM! TELL YOUR DAUGHTER TO HANG UP AND CALL A TOW TRUCK! WE ARE DEHYDRATING!

SOL (On the phone, sweet voice, ignoring Marco)

Mommy? Hi, mom! No, no… we’re fine. Well, the car died, we’re in the middle of nowhere… What? The fern in the living room turned yellow? No way! Did you use the iron supplements I told you about?

MARCO (Kneels on the burning asphalt, praying)

Lord, take me now. Don’t wait for the heatstroke. Take me before they start talking about lasagna recipes.

SOL (Into the phone)

Yes, mom… Marco says the world doesn’t end without a cell phone, he says it feels so liberating to be disconnected… Can you hear that? He’s doing a performance piece on the ground. Yes, very artistic, but not very practical… She said she’s going to light a candle for us, Marco. Spiritual support is way more powerful than a tow truck. Have some faith. Bye, mom. Love you more.

The signal vanishes. Marco looks at the phone with a terrifying calmness.

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SCENE 4: THE SACRIFICE OF THE IPHONE

MARCO

"The world doesn’t end without a cell phone"? Is that what you said? You’re right. THEN WE DON’T NEED THIS TRASH!

Marco places the phone on the asphalt and gives it an epic stomp. The phone, in its "military-grade" shockproof case, bounces and flies away unscathed.

MARCO

Oh! You think you’re tough? Watch us get liberated!

Marco starts jumping on the phone with both feet, doing a rage-filled tap dance. The phone remains intact.

SOL

Marco, you’re embarrassing yourself. Also, the photo of our first anniversary toast was on there.

MARCO (Panting)

It’s… unbreakable! Just like our relationship! Damn this high-resistance technology!

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SCENE 5: THE ORACLE OF THE ROUTE

It’s late. The sun is setting, turning the desert into a bruised purple. Suddenly, a TOW TRUCK appears, amber lights flashing. It pulls up. BETO climbs down.

BETO

Trouble in paradise?

MARCO (Almost crying)

Take the car. Take us. Take us anywhere with Wi-Fi and two or three private bathrooms.

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SCENE 6: THE MOBILE THERAPY CABIN

INT. TOW TRUCK CABIN - NIGHT

Beto drives. Sol and Marco are squeezed next to him, practically sitting on top of each other due to the lack of space. Their car is hooked to the back, bouncing along.

MARCO (To Sol)

I wanted us to be free! I wanted our honeymoon to be just you, me, and nature!

SOL

What you wanted was a textbook temper tantrum! Beto, do you think it’s normal for a man to stomp on an iPhone 15 Pro Max because of an existential crisis?

BETO (Eyes on the road)

Look, kids… I’ve towed a lot of people out of this stretch of the Mojave. The problem isn’t the 5G signal. The problem is you love each other so much you’re suffocating. It’s like that car engine: you pushed it so hard you blew the head gasket. You’re afraid of the silence. You always need a third party just to prove your relationship actually exists.

(SOL and MARCO go silent, hit by the truth.)

BETO (Sighs and looks for a cassette)

Make up already, you’re fogging up my windshield with all that "feeling." You hungry? I don’t have food, but I’ve got Elvis. "The King." You kids probably don’t even know who he is. And look: this is a cassette tape. Best invention in human history. Of course, you wouldn't know. Just listen.

Beto slides the tape into the deck. "BURNING LOVE" blares out.

Marco and Sol look at each other. Marco takes her hand. Sol lunges at him and they start kissing with desperate passion, completely ignoring Beto.

BETO (To himself)

These two… a mechanic can’t fix 'em, and a priest can't save 'em. God creates 'em, and the tow truck stacks 'em.

Beto cranks the volume. The tow truck disappears into the desert night as the couple devours each other in the cab.

FINAL BLACKOUT

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