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FROG WHISKERS
(THE KINGDOM OF THE WOBBLY CHAIR AND THE FAKE MUSTACHE).
A dreamlike, absurd farce in three acts for four actors with a knack for juggling.
by Benjamin Gavarre
FROG WHISKERS (THE KINGDOM OF THE WOBBLY CHAIR AND THE FAKE MUSTACHE). © 2026 by BENJAMIN GAVARRE is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0
contact: bengavarre@gmail.com
Estimated run time: 80 - 90 minutes (counting exaggerated dramatic pauses, slow-motion chases, and audience interaction).
Prologue
Welcome to a corner where cardboard crowns weigh heavier than gold, giant foam boots fly with low-budget special effects, and logic takes a permanent vacation. If you came looking for solemn armies, textbook tragedies, or boring endings, you've walked through the wrong door (and into the wrong century). Here, love is measured in macaroni bracelets, kings throw tantrums with toilet plungers, and lies have legs so short they always trip right over a wheeled trunk. Get comfortable, leave your seriousness at the door, and get ready to watch four lunatics with a knack for juggling turn a wobbly chair into an entire empire. Let the curtain rise... if it doesn't get stuck on the clothesline!
Characters and Costumes
- KING TANTRUM VIII: A short or hunched monarch trying hard to look imposing. He wears a red plush bathrobe as a royal cape, plaid Bermuda shorts, argyle socks up to his knees, and lion slippers. His gold cardboard crown is three sizes too big and drops over his eyes whenever he yells. His scepter is a golden toilet plunger. He constantly invents absurd proverbs, convinced of his own wisdom.
- PRINCESS VALENTINA NO-FILTER: Energetic, irreverent, and practical. She wears a pastel pink tulle princess dress over rolled-up blue jeans and yellow rain boots. When disguised as "Macho Paco", she puts on a delivery vest, a metal pasta colander on her head, and a gigantic neon-green yarn mustache held on by visible elastic bands.
- YOUNG SIGH OF THE VALLEY: A penniless heartthrob, lanky, elastic, and prone to fainting with poetic flair. He wears patched trousers, a white shirt with crepe-paper ruffles, and a vest that is way too small. He carries a stringless plastic ukulele that he strums while making the sound effects with his mouth.
- SIR SLICK OF SHADY LANE: A charming, crooked villain. He wears a shiny pinstripe suit, two-tone shoes that squeak loudly when he walks, a black cape with purple lining, a pencil-thin drawn-on mustache, and hair slicked down with so much gel it looks like a plastic helmet. He always walks on tiptoe.
Set Design and Mobile Props
- Three painted wooden cubes: One side painted like castle stone, another like brick, another like tree bark, and another like royal tapestry. Turning or stacking them creates thrones, beds, tables, or forests.
- An overhead clothesline: Stretched across the stage two meters high. Actors hang painted bedsheets on it using giant clothespins to show the location: a sun wearing sunglasses, a bored moon, or mismatched old socks and branches.
- The Wheeled Trunk: A large box on supermarket caster wheels with a sign reading: "FRAGILE: DOES NOT CONTAIN A HIDDEN VILLAIN".
- The Blue Bed Sheet: A long fabric waved by two actors to create the ocean.
ACT I: THE HEART HAS REASONS THAT THE WALLET DOESN'T UNDERSTAND
Tableau 1: The Unstable Throne Room
(Lights up. All four actors march in to the beat of a toy drum. They place the three cubes center stage with the royal tapestry side facing the audience. On the clothesline, they hang a sign reading: "KINGDOM OF THE WOBBLY CHAIR". Everyone exits except KING TANTRUM, who stands with his back to the audience, gargling without water to warm up his voice).
Scene 1
(The King spins around dramatically, attempts a majestic pose, trips on his bathrobe, and falls flat on his rear onto the center cube. His crown slides down to the tip of his nose).
KING TANTRUM: (Pushing his crown up with the toilet plunger, furious) Well, run me over with a train that doesn't even stop at my house! Guards! (Looks at the audience, embarrassed). Oh, right, I fired them all for eating the animal crackers from the royal treasury. Valentina! Get down from your tower this instant or I'm canceling Sunday until cows give chocolate milk!
(VALENTINA slides in on her rain boots. Behind her comes SIGH, duck-walking in a deep squat so he doesn't look taller than the King, making "pling, pling" noises with his mouth while pretending to play his ukulele).
VALENTINA: (Braking sharply with a tire-screech sound) Stop yelling, Dad, the palace echo is going to blow the toupee right off your crown. We were right in the middle of rehearsing our intense romantic stares.
(Valentina and Sigh stare at each other two inches apart, blinking at lightning speed).
KING TANTRUM: (Shoving the plunger between their faces to separate them) Enough with the half-dead sheep eyes! As the wise proverb says: Never ask a gift horse to do your math homework! I found you a first-class suitor, Valentina. The Duke of Spoiled Butter! He owns three castles with swimming pools, fifty dairy cows, and a four-ply toilet paper factory! And what do you do? You fall for this underpaid Sigh who has less of a future than an ice cream cone in the Sahara!
SIGH: (Leaping to his feet with a gymnastic jump, speaking in a soap-opera voice) Forgive me, Your Royal Grumpiness! I may not have coins in my pocket, or even a pocket in my pants (shows his ripped pocket and sticks his whole hand through the hole), but my love for Valentina is bigger than the hunger that hits at three in the afternoon! I offer her the moon, the stars, and... half a ham sandwich I saved from breakfast. (Pulls a squashed napkin from his vest).
KING TANTRUM: (Sniffing it in disgust) Yuck, it has lukewarm mayonnaise! No wedding! Because as the saying goes: Out of sight, out of mind, and right into a wad of chewed gum! You are officially banished, exiled, and wiped off the map! You have three minutes to cross the border or I'll have your feet tickled with steel wool and sheep fuzz!
VALENTINA: (Dropping into a karate stance) If he goes, my heart loses its Wi-Fi signal! You can't do this, Dad!
KING TANTRUM: Of course I can, I hold the Plunger of Power! And I'm white! I'm going to fetch the Boot of Banishment! (Runs off, tripping over his bathrobe).
Scene 2
(The lighting dims to a romantic blue. Sigh throws himself onto the floor, hugging Valentina's boots).
SIGH: (Crying in a rhythmic "boohoo, boohoo") Oh, Valentina! They're separating us like the yolk from the egg white! I'm going to die of heartbreak, or the cold, or boredom on the long-distance bus!
VALENTINA: (Pulling him up by his ears) Get off the floor before I'm tempted to climb right on top of you. My dad yells a lot, but he runs out of breath fast. You're going to go to the land of spaghetti, wait for his tantrum to cool down, and I'll send you a carrier pigeon.
SIGH: What if the pigeon gets motion sickness on the way?
VALENTINA: Then we'll strap training wheels on it. Take this. (Takes off a gigantic plastic toy ring with a glowing stone the size of an apple). It's the Ring of Total Trust. As long as you trust me, this stone will glow. If you doubt my love, it'll go dark and give you the hiccups for three weeks straight.
SIGH: It weighs as much as a one-pound turtle! I'll never take it off. And you take this, my love. (Pulls out a bracelet made of flattened bottle caps and painted macaroni). I made it myself while thinking of your glowing puppy-dog eyes. It's the Bracelet of Unbreakable Loyalty.
VALENTINA: (Putting on the bracelet) Promise me you won't listen to gossip, Sigh. You're a sweetheart, but sometimes you're more naive than a frog in a pot of warm water. People will try to tell you I'm out playing the merry swamp-woman in the mud.
SIGH: I swear on the invisible strings of my ukulele! Even if the world champion of liars comes to tell me my Swamp Queen hopped off with another toad, I'll stand stiff in my soup and make him swallow a whole sweet potato!
(KING TANTRUM returns carrying a giant foam boot tied to a broomstick).
KING TANTRUM: Time's up for cheesy goodbyes! Prepare for Royal Economy Non-Stop Flight!
(Sigh turns his back in slow motion. The King winds up like a baseball batter and gives him a giant boot-kick in the rear. A slide whistle sounds: "Wheeeeee!". Sigh spins three times, leaps over the cubes flapping his arms, and flies offstage).
VALENTINA: (Shouting offstage) Don't forget to wear a sweater, it gets windy over there! (To the King). You are a professional party pooper, Dad! I'm going to my room to blast sad music at full volume! (Stomps off. The King tries an evil laugh, chokes on his own spit, and exits coughing).
(Transition: SIR SLICK and VALENTINA enter waving the Blue Bed Sheet. SIGH crosses the ocean swimming breaststroke on a skateboard, spitting little streams of imaginary water and dodging a cardboard shark with the King's face painted on it).
ACT II: LIES RUN ON ROLLER SKATES
Tableau 2: The Pizzeria of Deceit in Distant Lands
(The actors turn the cubes to the brick side. On the clothesline, they hang a sun wearing sunglasses and a drawing of a pizza. SIR SLICK sits filing his nails with a fork).
Scene 1
SIR SLICK: (Confidentially to the audience) Good afternoon, beautiful people, and people who only came because their internet went out at home. I am Sir Slick of Shady Lane. My specialty is selling combs to bald men, water to fish, and tall tales to lovebirds. And look who's coming right this way... a pigeon ready for plucking.
(SIGH enters dripping imaginary water, walking lopsided from the weight of the giant ring. He sits on a cube and sighs so hard he blows Sir Slick's tablecloth right off).
SIGH: Ahhhhhh! How far away is the love of my life!
SIR SLICK: Bless you! Listen, kid, if you keep blowing like that, you're going to cool down the soup I haven't even ordered yet. Why the long face? You look like a freshly chopped onion.
SIGH: I had to leave my girlfriend Valentina back in the Kingdom of the Wobbly Chair. But she is the most loyal woman on the continent! A head of lettuce would start barking before she'd ever trade me for another guy!
SIR SLICK: (His shoes squeaking as he tiptoes closer) Oh, kid... how sweet. Makes me want to spread jam on you and have you for breakfast. Princesses these days, the second their boyfriend turns the corner, they're already ordering a replacement online.
SIGH: (Outraged) Take that back, you over-gelled gentleman! If you went to her palace to sweet-talk her, she'd throw the cats, the flowerpots, and the grand piano right at your head!
SIR SLICK: (Eyeing the giant ring greedily) Mmm... what a lovely paperweight you have on your finger. I propose a gentleman's bet: if I go to the Kingdom of the Wobbly Chair and get the princess to give me proof that she's forgotten all about you... you give me that big shiny ring.
SIGH: And what if you fail?
SIR SLICK: If I fail, I'll shave my head with a spoon and wash your socks for a whole year. Do we have a deal, or are your knees knocking?
SIGH: Deal, you skinny-brush mustache! Go buy the soap right now, because my socks already smell like Roquefort cheese! (They shake hands and Sir Slick sprints off with a tiny suitcase).
Tableau 3: The Royal Bedroom and the Suspicious Trunk
(The cubes are lined up to form a bed. On the clothesline hangs a moon in a nightcap. VALENTINA enters wearing a shower cap and holding a one-eyed teddy bear).
Scene 1
VALENTINA: (Yawning) What a long day. My dad spent the whole afternoon trying to fix a broken vase with Super Glue and ended up glued to the living room rug. (Looks at her bracelet). Oh, Sigh... I hope you're not biting your nails thinking I'm cheating on you.
(An invisible door knock sounds: "Knock, knock, knock!").
KING TANTRUM: (Poking his head in with one hand glued flat to his crooked crown) Sweetheart! An urgent package just arrived for you! The delivery guy says it's from a fan club. And you know what I always say: You snooze, you turn into a luggage trunk! Goodnight, and if you hear a rat squeaking, it's just me peeling my own skin off the carpet!
(The King yanks his hand unstuck from the crown with a loud rip, yelps in pain, and shoves the WHEELED TRUNK inside, which crashes into the cube bed. The King exits).
VALENTINA: How weird... the label says: "One hundred percent safe gift. Does not breathe or have evil plans". I'll check it tomorrow, my eyelids are heavier than a sack of wet rocks. Boy, my dad is clumsy, getting himself glued like a naughty toddler...
(Valentina lies down. Within three seconds she starts snoring like an old locomotive, then like a handsaw, ending with a high-pitched whistle: "Hrrrrrrr-sssss-pewww!").
Scene 2
(The trunk lid opens with a vocal creak: "Creeeeeeeak!". Valentina stirs; Sir Slick slams it shut on himself: "Bam! Ow, my nose!". It opens again and SIR SLICK climbs out, stiff and cramped, walking like a rusty robot).
SIR SLICK: (Whispering to the audience as his back cracks) Oh mama, I have cramps all the way down to my tailbone! It's boiling in that box, it smells like a forgotten greasy grilled-cheese sandwich! (He tries to approach the bed, but when Valentina inhales on her snore, the suction pulls him toward her; when she exhales the "pewww!", the blast blows him backward like a hurricane). Good grief, this girl doesn't sleep, she has an industrial vacuum cleaner in her nostrils!
(After physically battling the gale-force winds of her snoring, Sir Slick reaches the edge of the bed).
SIR SLICK: Alright, time to execute the Plan. Behold: the evidence.
(Using giant bakery tongs, he slips the macaroni bracelet off her wrist, narrowly dodging a sleepy swat from Valentina).
SIR SLICK: Bingo! I've got the pasta jewelry. Now I need a secret detail so that fool Sigh swallows the whole story hook, line, and sinker. (Pulls out a huge magnifying glass and inspects her without touching her. Valentina's pant leg rides up slightly, revealing her right ankle). Aha! On her right ankle she has a birthmark shaped exactly like a half-bitten cheese pie! (Writes in a tiny notebook). Half-bitten... cheese... pie. With this little detail, that giant ring has a brand-new owner. See ya later, Princess Chainsaw!
(He dives headfirst back into the trunk, sticks his feet out through two holes in the bottom, and runs off wearing the trunk, crashing into everything).
Tableau 4: A Heart Broken into Sixteen and a Half Pieces
(Side spotlight. SIGH is eating a single long strand of spaghetti made from a white shoelace. SIR SLICK enters fanning himself with his hat).
Scene 1
SIGH: Hey there, Sir Slick! Did you buy the soap for my socks yet?
SIR SLICK: (Faking sympathy) Oh, my dear friend... it breaks my heart to tell you this. Well, actually I find it hilarious, but I'm making a sad face out of politeness. Your princess... phew! The second I arrived, she invited me in for hot cocoa, we played hide-and-seek, and she said: "Sigh? Who's that? Some broke loser with holes in his pockets?".
SIGH: (Spitting out the shoelace) You're lying through every single tooth in your head! Without proof, I wouldn't even believe you if you told me the time!
SIR SLICK: Oh, really? Then look at the little souvenir she gave me. (Pulls out the macaroni bracelet). And just in case you think I bought it at the corner store... she also showed me her right ankle, where she has a lovely little birthmark shaped like a half-bitten cheese pie!
(Sound effect from behind the cubes: "CRAAAACK, BOOM, SPLAT, MEOW!" — the sound of Sigh's heart shattering).
SIGH: (Quivering like Jell-O) Oh, my heart is shattered! The bitten cheese pie! That was our classified state secret! She traded me for an over-gelled guy in squeaky shoes! (Rips the giant ring off his finger and hurls it at Sir Slick, who collapses under its weight). Keep that filthy rock! I'm going to the Forest of Lost Socks to become a hermit and talk to the squirrels! Goodbyeeeee, cruel world full of cheating Swamp Queens! (Exits duck-running in a squat. Sir Slick drags the "heavy" ring offstage, clutching his lower back in pain).
ACT III: IN THE FOREST EVERYONE WEARS A COLANDER
Tableau 5: The Forest of Lost Socks
(The cubes are turned to the tree-bark side. Cardboard branches and mismatched socks hang from the clothesline. Mysterious green lighting).
Scene 1
(VALENTINA enters dressed as "Macho Paco": pasta colander on her head, vest, and the giant green yarn mustache that keeps getting sucked into her mouth whenever she speaks, forcing her to blow it upward constantly).
VALENTINA: (Walking bow-legged like a cowboy and putting on a deep, booming voice) Phew! Walking like a tough guy is hard work, it feels like I'm carrying two watermelons under my armpits! (To the audience). When I woke up without my bracelet and saw a squeaky-shoe footprint by my bed, I put two and two together. Somebody robbed me to trick my gullible little Sigh! So I escaped disguised as... a little dude: I'm Macho Paco, a tough guy who chews lug nuts and never asks to be excused! Thunder and lightning! Jeepers creepers with whipped cream! Man, I'm so macho!
(She walks in circles, wiping her brow with her mustache).
VALENTINA: (In her normal voice) Ouch, I have blisters on my eyelashes. My groin hurts for no logical reason... and my throat is drier than a saltine cracker without salsa. (Looks up). Oh! What do my tough-guy eyes spy up there? Hmm!
(Dangling from a fishing rod operated from the wings, a bottle filled with glowing purple liquid floats down. Its skull label reads: "SLEEPY ONION JUICE. DO NOT DRINK").
VALENTINA: (Reading it upside down) Mmm... it says: "Energy Drink for Thirsty Travelers". How thoughtful of the forest. (Uncorks it, sniffs it, and goes cross-eyed). Ugh! Smells like wet sock soup... but when you're thirsty, anything goes!
(She drinks it all down going "Glug, glug, sssschlup!". Immediately, she freezes stiff and her eyes blink rapidly).
VALENTINA: (In slow motion) I... feel... wei... rd... WEIRD-A... weird-o... My... legs... are... tur... ning... to... wood... WOOD-A... No, no, no.
(She goes stiff as an ironing board and falls flat on her back across two cubes, completely horizontal and rigid, her yellow rain boots pointing straight at the ceiling).
Scene 2
(SIGH enters walking backward, wearing a fake beard made of shredded newspaper strips).
SIGH: Day four of being a wild forest hermit. GRRR. Okay, it's only been twenty minutes, but without my cell phone, time feels eternal. (Bumps backward into Valentina's stiff boots). Oops! Excuse me, Mr. Tree-with-Shoes! (Turns around and jumps in the air). HOLY MONKEYS! Sweet Jesus of Santa Fe! A man with a green plastic mustache has frozen stiff! (Pokes her cheek; Valentina's stiff body works like a seesaw: pushing her head down makes her stiff legs pop up). And he's stiffer than a week-old French baguette!
(SIR SLICK runs in, snagging the giant ring on everything, chased by KING TANTRUM riding a hobby-horse made from a floor mop).
KING TANTRUM: Stop right there, you two-bit thief, or I'll trample you with my microfiber steed! Giddyup, Fluffy!
SIR SLICK: Help! A weird guy in a bathrobe wants to split my head in two! (Pushes the Wheeled Trunk out from the corner to hide behind it).
KING TANTRUM: (Braking with coconut-shell hoof sounds) Aha! So here are the two accomplices! As my royal proverb goes: Raise crows, and they'll peck you right in the tailbone! Where did you hide my daughter Valentina?
SIGH: I don't know anything, Your Majesty. She probably went partying with this guy who stole my girlfriend and my ring.
KING TANTRUM: (Spotting the ring and then stiff Valentina) Hold on! Who is this guy? He looks like a peanut brittle bar with a mustache! (Leans in and sniffs her). Blech! And he smells like stale peanuts! Aha! He's a victim of the Stiff-Sleep Potion! (Lifts one end of the green mustache). By my grandfather's slippers! That's not a Peanut Brittle Boy! That's my little Peanut Brittle Valentina disguised as that Italian plumber from the knock-off video games!
SIGH: Valentina?! But why is she wearing a swamp-frog-colored mustache?!
KING TANTRUM: (Pulling a tiny manual from his bathrobe) Right here in the First Aid Manual for Absurd Fairy Tales it says: "To wake a stiff princess wearing a boiled-frog mustache, kissing her won't work because her breath stinks. Maybe she could be saved if kissed by a slimy, dark-green toad... Is there a slimy, dark-green toad around here?" (Sigh timidly raises his hand, but Tantrum waves him off without barely looking). "Right, none here... so... The only cure is for the biggest liar in the room to confess his biggest, fattest lie out loud."
(The King and Sigh slowly turn their heads to glare at Sir Slick).
SIR SLICK: (Breaking into a cold sweat) Hahaha... Why are you looking at me? Fine, I'll tell a truth! The King looks super athletic and dashing in that fuzzy bathrobe!
(Physical reaction 1: Valentina's stiff right arm rises mechanically and wags her index finger like a windshield wiper to signal "lie", while the King makes a "Bzzzzzt!" game-show buzzer sound with his mouth).
SIR SLICK: Okay, okay, another truth...! This one is a true-truth... Princess Valentina gave me her bracelet because my athletic, sexy body is totally irresistible...! (Strikes ridiculous bodybuilding poses).
(Physical reaction 2: Valentina's stiff body vibrates on the cubes like a cell phone on a glass table, and her stiff right leg swings up abruptly to kick Sir Slick in the hip before dropping flat again).
KING TANTRUM: (Threatening him with the plunger) Even in a coma she can spot your whoppers, you slimy, shameless, pint-sized liar! You know what they say: Lies are like the stars, somebody always notices them... Or something like that! (Everyone stares at him thinking: What did he just say?). Whatever... Spill the beans, you pig, or I'll plunge your coconut head! (Threatens him comically with the royal plunger).
SIR SLICK: (Dropping to his knees, defeated) Fine, I confess, I can't take it anymore, I crack! I'm a little liar, that's what I am! A huge little liar. Sorry! Your princess never even looked at me! When I tried talking to her through her window, she threw an avocado pit at my head that almost left me cross-eyed!
(Valentina's stiff body gives a tiny hop of joy on the cubes and smiles with her eyes still shut).
SIGH: An avocado pit?! How romantic my girl is! Keep talking, scoundrel!
SIR SLICK: I hid inside the trunk! I waited until she fell asleep snoring like a busted downtown city bus with no muffler! I stole the bracelet with bakery tongs and saw her cheese-pie birthmark because her pant leg rode up! And what's more... my hair isn't even real, I wear a plastic helmet painted with shoe polish! (Pops his hair off like a swim cap, revealing a shiny bald head).
(A magical bell chimes: "Ding!". Valentina springs straight up from her horizontal position and lands standing on the cubes).
Scene 3
VALENTINA: (Ripping off the green mustache and spitting out yarn) Ptoey! That green mustache makes me thirsty! And you! (Points the colander at Sir Slick). So I make a racket when I sleep, huh? And why were you spying on me, you filthy pig... and how dare you peek at my... ankles! Who gave you permission, you creep! Here, take a little present from me!
(Valentina leaps off the cubes and jams the pasta colander down over Sir Slick's bald head all the way to his ears. Sir Slick spins like a top yelling "I can't see a thing, I feel like a housefly, I only see little dots!", trips over the Wheeled Trunk, and falls headfirst inside it, leaving only his squeaky shoes kicking in the air. The King slams the lid shut and sits on top of it).
SIGH: (Opening his arms with a scolded-puppy face) Valentina, my love! My cute little green froggy... Come into the arms of your repentant Sigh!
VALENTINA: (Stopping him with her palm flat against his face) Hold it right there, you dime-store soap-opera heartthrob! Where is my Ring of Total Trust? The very first time some stranger in noisy shoes walks up and flashes his little macaronis at you, you buy the whole story! What if they were fake?! I told you that you were more gullible than a baby puppy tricked with a spoonful of honey when they're really giving him bitter medicine!
SIGH: (Dropping to his knees) I don't know, those are way too many words for me, my little froggy... But forgive me, love of my life, my brave Valentina! The cheese-pie birthmark clouded my brain! I couldn't bear the thought that the Pig had seen your little pie! But I promise that from this day forward, I'll have more faith in you than a kid staying awake all night waiting for the Tooth Fairy! And if you want a penance, I'll wear the green mustache for a whole year!
VALENTINA: (Holding back a laugh) Two years, deal? And you have to make me a new bracelet, this time out of frog hair... (Seeing Sigh's bewildered face, she hugs him). No, my love, just make me another macaroni bracelet stuffed with all the pure love you have for me... and that I have for you. (They hug, lifting each other off the floor).
KING TANTRUM: (Bawling his eyes out, blowing his nose on the clothesline sheet) Oh, how sweet! It's corny, super corny, but it still gave me the warm fuzzies... See? You softened my pumice-stone heart! My darling daughter, forgive me for being such a Tantrum. And you, kid... you can take a beating like a champ, and I like that because I plan to mistreat you good and proper. (Sigh pouts). No, no, kid, I'm joking... You'll be like a son to me! I give you my royal blessing! Because as my final proverb says: Better a broke son-in-law who can take a royal beating than a rich Duke who's boring and gassy!
(Everyone bursts into exaggerated silent laughter. Sir Slick pushes the trunk lid open from the inside, still wearing the colander on his head).
SIR SLICK: Hey, guys... can I come out and take a bow for the audience, or am I grounded in this box forever?
VALENTINA: Get out of there and help us with the finale, you cheater!
(All four line up downstage holding hands).
(They take a bow so deep they bonk heads together, a vocal cymbal crash sounds—"Ba-dum-tssss!"—and they all fall flat on their rears in a row).
Final blackout
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