A SOUL LIKE MY OWN
(A monologue for a man "falling into the abyss")
® Benjamín Gavarre Silva
Contact:
gavarreunam@gmail.com
or
benjamingavarre@filos.unam.mx
CHARACTER:
THE CLIMBER: Dressed in technical gear in various
shades of blue and a mountain beanie. He looks like someone defeated by nature
but possessing an enviable lucidity.
SETTING:
Total void. In the background, the silhouette of the
Volcano surrounded by impassive clouds. The sound design is a constant
whistling wind that rises and falls in pitch, marking the emotional pulse of
the story.
(The CLIMBER appears in a horizontal
position, floating as if the air were an invisible pool. He does a slow
somersault and ends up face up, looking toward where the sky should be.)
CLIMBER
(In a slow, almost amused voice)
It’s funny... I always thought gravity was a severe
law, relentlessly fast... Like a judge in a wig screaming: "Down!".
But no. Gravity is... polite. It invites you in. It’s escorting me to the
world’s ground floor in a free elevator where time stretches out like melted
cheese.
(He changes position. Tucks his legs in and hugs his
knees in a fetal position. The light becomes warm, amber-toned.)
Fifteen thousand feet. Or thirteen. Thirteen
thousand one hundred to be exact... the total, total height of the whole
volcano. My fall was spectacular, I know... and I don’t say it out of vanity,
but because for the first and last time in my life, I’m going to be front-page
news. Yeah, I was a trending topic for two and a half days. Plenty of
color photos... Tremendous. Although my actual fall was only about six hundred
feet and it took me six point three seconds to hit the ground. Six seconds.
Enough time to watch the premiere of my own life's movie, with no interruptions
and no popcorn. My final experience is, literally, unforgettable... even if I
won't have anyone to tell it to later.
(Pause)
Do you know what the first thing you remember is
when you slip off the edge of the Volcano? Yeah, you already know... "Did
I leave the stove on?". "The toilet flapper didn't close right and
the whole building's water just went down the drain." Literally... like me
right now? Or more serious things: the insurance policy, my will, the
redemption of my many sins... and boy, have I sinned. But what’s popping into
my head right now is the lavender scent of "COLOSSAL" floor cleaner.
The best cleaner that cleans, cleans... and that I used to wash my gross socks
and the boxers I’d already worn five times. I put them on smelling clean,
clean... A round of applause for that fake lavender scent!
(He stretches out suddenly. A diver’s position with
arms crossed.)
Boom! I’m five years old and I’m on my red tricycle.
I’m enjoying the taste of metal as I suck on the handlebars. Rich, rich taste
of rusty handlebars! (He laughs). And then... totally unrelated, but I’m
reliving my first kiss. She tastes like mint gum and like a pro. She’s like
forty and I’m nineteen... what a total cradle-robber. It was a kiss with a lot
of lip; her mouth was flexible, like those gummy bears that stretch. Ah, I seem
to be thinking a lot about things that stretch today.
(A look of wonder)
My first time was with a massager that vibrated...
mind you, it had other uses I couldn't have imagined at eleven years old.
Something stretched and something exploded to my enormous shock and my abysmal
ignorance of what my body could do. Speaking of abysses... now my first real
relationship pops up, my first time without the intervention of indifferent
gadgets. And there I go in my first car... I learned to drive at the same time
I learned to fuck... Ejem, excuse my "French," but that’s how you say
it.
(His face lights up)
Ah, I remember my red Beetle! I loved it as much as
my first girlfriend. In these moments, I can’t tell lies. I always had red
cars, compacts, and stick shifts. You can do a lot of things with a floor
shifter, or have them done to you if you’re lucky...
(He starts moving his hands as if shifting gears and
hitting the clutch. He drives in the air and enjoys it intensely.)
Watch out, I’m coming in with no brakes! And my
pleasure will be a pure, white explosion... A few seconds transform into an
endless apotheosis. I have all the time in the world and the world's time
dilates into six point three seconds of free fall!
(The wind roars. The CLIMBER turns upside
down like a skilled acrobat. His legs pedal the void.)
I knew love for the first time with you...
Everything was like that song: "If I had a soul like my own".
No more, no less. I’m sending you a message, soulmate... (Screams into the
void) I’m falling, I’m going to die and you know it! Can you feel my death?
Right now, no matter where you are, you feel an unbearable pit in your stomach.
Can you feel my death?
(He crouches and touches his nose tenderly)
We used to make the same gestures, say the same
phrases at the same time... Jinx... but this time I’m asking a favor:
don't touch your nose. I don't want us both to bleed even though we’re apart. I
don't want you to feel the pain of what I’ve already forgotten.
(Changes to a lateral position, leaning his head on
his hand as if lying on an invisible sofa.)
Attention passengers: "Calculating impact
speed: seventy-five miles per hour. Time remaining: four point two
seconds." But those four point two seconds are about three and a half
decades; they’re a man's whole life... it’s a very short life, frankly, are you
fucking kidding me?! I’m flying above everyone! No hands! No net! I’m done with
everything and everyone...
(The light turns a blinding white. The sound of the
wind disappears. Absolute silence. The CLIMBER remains in a vertical
position, walking in the air with an Oneiric slowness.)
They say you see a light at the end. I see... a
highway rising to the sky, to the giant. I see the clouds covering the
summit... a cloud, more clouds, which are the Volcano breath. And I fall into
this slow abyss, but I’m not afraid. Because falling isn't the opposite of
flying. Falling is just flying toward a different destination. We’re all going
to die, we already know that, but my inevitable death... I am living it intensely.
(He stops completely in mid-air. He looks at the
audience with a serene smile. He touches the bridge of his nose as a final
wink.)
Get ready, love. The impact is going to be soft.
Like when we fall asleep watching a movie on a random Sunday. Only this time...
I’m the star of the movie. And I know exactly how it ends. Goodbye, my life. I
really do have a soul like my own... we’ll catch up later. It’s coming... it’s
close... that’s it.
(The CLIMBER closes his eyes and lets himself
drift backward, disappearing into total whiteness.)
BLACKOUT.
