What
I Think and What I Say
By
B-GAVARRE
This work has been published for
free and open dissemination, although all intellectual property rights are reserved.
The public use of this work requires the author's permission and in order to obtain
the corresponding authorization contact bengavarre@gmail.com or gavarreunam@gmail.com
(Reg. Prop. Int. Expte. Inbox)
Characters
- Violet:
- A woman who presents herself as a "queen" with a stuck-up demeanor. While she appears dignified and somewhat cold in public, her monologues reveal a selfish and malicious side. She enjoys feeling superior but, deep down, she has a "morbid" curiosity and a hidden desire for the unconventional. She is the first to express her indignation at the "indecency" of others, but eventually accepts her own depravity.
- Jonah:
- A man who appears stoic
and exhausted, pushing a boat. His internal monologues describe him as
full of frustration and a desire to punish Violet for her attitude. He is
prone to absurd and unexpected actions, such as pulling out soup from
nowhere and dressing as a gondolier, which makes him a mysterious and
somewhat ridiculous character. He sees himself as a "superior
being" on a journey.
- Alfred:
- A man who presents himself
as "Peter Pan," childish and in need of attention. His
monologues show a need to be humiliated and a desire to feel loved
through dependency. He enjoys provoking Lucretia and likes the feeling of
being admired. He considers himself "useless," but uses his
vulnerability to manipulate others and get what he wants.
- Lucretia:
- A woman who behaves like
an "exhausted" therapist or a mother figure. Her monologue
reveals she is tired of being the one who solves problems and wishes for
a man who will take care of her and give her pleasure, instead of one who
constantly needs her. She is torn between her professional role and a
repressed sexual desire, feeling "indecent" and "a
slut" for her impulses.
- Mr. Gale:
- A mysterious character who
bursts onto the scene to expose the hypocrisy of the others. He acts as a
sort of ringmaster or purgatorial deity, forcing the characters to
confront their true nature. He is cynical, direct, and unafraid to call
out their "shitty morals," showing them that their
"bourgeois shame" is the only thing holding them back. He
reveals himself as an extremely fat, old man covered in moles, whose
appearance challenges the very conventions of decency the characters so
loudly protest.
Act I
Scene I: The Boat of Shame
The stage is dimly lit. As the
lights come up, we see Violet sitting in a prop sailboat, with her beach
umbrella open. Jonah is beside her, in the water up to his ankles, pushing the
boat with a broom handle. He looks exhausted; she looks expressionless.
Violet
(Aloud)
If you want, I’ll get out.
(Violet’s monologue)
Please, let him not say yes! Let
him keep pushing. I love feeling like a queen. I hope he gets a cramp. Let's
see how philosophical he gets with a swollen testicle.
Jonah
(Aloud, out of breath)
No, no. We're almost at the
shore.
(Jonah’s monologue)
My God. If this woman doesn’t
shut up, I'm going to hit her on the head with this stick. I'm going to leave
her on this abandoned beach.
(Jonah bends down, pulls a plate
of fish soup out of nowhere, climbs onto the edge of the boat, and starts to
eat. Violet looks at him, stunned.)
Violet
(Aloud)
What is that?
(Violet’s monologue)
Gross! So freaking gross! Fish!
Seriously? I hope I get indigestion and vomit all over his shoes.
Jonah
(Aloud)
Grandma’s soup. My mom gave it
to me. Want some?
(Jonah’s monologue)
She’s holding back her vomit.
Good! She deserves it! She wanted a mysterious man, well here he is. Now I’m
going to leave her speechless.
(Jonah jumps up, takes off his
street clothes, revealing a gondolier’s outfit with a striped shirt and shorts.
Violet looks at him, astonished, her face turning red with indignation.)
Violet
Jonah, no! What's wrong with
you? What are you doing?
(Violet’s monologue)
No, no! This is too much.
They're going to see us. How embarrassing! And yet, I feel a morbid
curiosity... I still think he looks ridiculous, but... what would it feel like
to have him give me a ride like this!
Jonah
(Aloud)
I'm going to give you a ride! A
ride of love!
(Jonah bends down and, where Violet’s
legs are, starts to row with his hands while smiling maliciously. She looks at
him and, suddenly, a wicked smile appears on her face. She takes a spoonful of
the fish soup and threatens him with it. He looks scared. Violet stands up and
empties the plate of soup on top of him. Jonah is petrified.)
Violet
(Aloud)
And now, for being indecent, to
the shore!
(Violet gets out of the boat. Jonah,
with the soup dripping, is left alone, motionless in the water.)
(Blackout.)
Scene II: The Station of the Absurd
The light reveals Alfred and Lucretia
sitting on a train station bench. He is playing with a ball of yarn. She looks
at him with the eyes of an exhausted therapist.
Alfred
(Aloud)
So? Are we still in therapy?
(Alfred’s monologue)
How stupid am I! Of course,
we're in therapy! This is the fucking therapy! I need her to yell at me, to
humiliate me. Only then will I feel loved.
Lucretia
(Aloud)
Depends. Who’s on the couch?
(Lucretia’s monologue)
Damn it! Peter Pan. He always
runs away. What a humiliation! I want a man to give me a massage. To give me a
hug. An orgasm! Please, an orgasm.
(Alfred gets up and sits on Lucretia’s
lap, puts the ball of yarn in her hand, and starts to purr like a cat. Lucretia
looks at him with wide eyes.)
Alfred
(In a childish voice)
You know you like to be needed.
(Alfred’s monologue)
Take that, bitch! I hit her
where it hurts. She likes to be needed. And I am the neediest. I have her in my
hands.
(Alfred abruptly pulls away,
stands on the bench, and with a conspiratorial look, starts to unbutton his
shirt. Lucretia is surprised, but on her face is a mixture of desire and
disgust. Alfred notices her look and gets more excited. The desire to be
admired is the greatest of his aphrodisiacs.)
Alfred
(In a deeper voice)
Want me to give you a
striptease?
(Lucretia’s monologue)
Yes! Yes, I do! Shit! This is
what I’ve been waiting for! No. No. How disgusting! He’s my client. He’s my
man. How indecent! But… Oh, God! What a body he has. I want to grope him. To
touch him. To touch it all! How embarrassing! What a slut I am!
(Alfred takes off his shirt. Lucretia,
unable to control herself, reaches out and touches his pectoral. Alfred looks
at her with indignation.)
Alfred
(Aloud)
Barbarian! How dare you?
(Alfred’s monologue)
Yes! I did it! She groped me!
How hot I am! How hot she is! Oh, how good. I’m going to rub it in her face.
She’s a depraved woman! And I am more so!
(Suddenly, a toy train enters
and moves across the stage. Alfred gets off the bench. He gets into the train
and starts it. The train disappears with a whistle. Lucretia is left alone,
with her hand in the air, petrified by what she has just done.)
(Blackout.)
Act II
Scene III: The Purgatory Reunion
The light reveals the four
characters sitting at a bar-buffet. Jonah in his gondolier outfit, Violet with
her umbrella. Alfred, in a corner, with a flushed face, and Lucretia, staring
into space. There is a tense silence.
Violet
If you want, I’ll go get a
martini.
(Violet’s monologue)
These two are weirdos. A
gondolier? A child? Is there no one normal? An accountant? A doctor? A...
veterinarian?
Jonah
(Aloud)
No. I'll get a coffee.
(Jonah’s monologue)
These people are torture.
Martinis? Coffee? Please! We are superior beings, aren't we? We're on a
journey!
Alfred
(Aloud)
I need a rum and coke.
(Alfred’s monologue)
A rum and coke! The fucking rum
and coke! That's what I need. And a dog. Or a cat. Or something that isn't
these people. I'm useless!
Lucretia
(Aloud, without looking at
anyone)
Does anyone want some chamomile
tea?
(Lucretia’s monologue)
How embarrassing! Chamomile tea?
I’m tired of being the mother. The psychologist. The one who solves problems. I
want a real man!
(A man with a briefcase, dressed
in a cheap office suit, approaches the table and sits down uninvited. He is Mr.
Gale. He stops, looks at them, takes a megaphone, and lets out a shout that
freezes the scene.)
Mr. Gale
(Aloud)
Stop! Halt! It's over! The truth
must come out!
Mr. Gale
(Aloud)
We're going to play a game.
We're going to take off a piece of clothing for every truth you tell each
other.
(Mr. Gale unbuckles a shoe. Lucretia,
with eyes full of desire, takes off her jacket. Alfred, his sock. Jonah, his
striped shirt.)
Mr. Gale
(Aloud)
You! (He points at Violet)
What do you think of this
ridiculous pair?
Violet
(Aloud)
I think they are two losers.
(Violet’s monologue)
Finally! I finally got to tell
them!
(Alfred takes off his other
sock. Lucretia takes off her belt. Jonah, his trench coat.)
Mr. Gale
(Aloud)
You! (He points at Alfred)
What do you think of your
woman’s face?
Alfred
(Aloud)
I think she has the face of a
bitter grandmother.
(Alfred’s monologue)
Yes! Yes, I said it! I said it
to her face.
(Lucretia, who has already taken
off her belt, puts it around her neck as if to hang herself.)
Mr. Gale
(Aloud)
You! (He points at Lucretia)
What do you think of your little
man?
Lucretia
(Aloud)
I think he’s a cowardly brat,
who spends his time seeking the approval of others, but who doesn't dare to say
he loves me.
(Lucretia’s monologue)
I told him! I told him! I love
him! And I hate him! But at least I said it.
(Alfred unbuttons his pants and
is left in his boxers. Jonah takes off his shorts and is left in superhero
briefs.)
Mr. Gale
(Aloud)
And me! I'm sick of you all! Of
your falsehood! Of your shitty morals! Go to hell! Life is a comedy!
(Mr. Gale takes off his suit,
revealing that he is an extremely fat, old man covered in moles, and the
laughter dies on the four of them. They are petrified, and their monologues are
of disgust and mockery.)
Alfred
(Aloud)
He's indecent!
Lucretia
(Aloud)
How embarrassing!
Violet
(Aloud)
This is unacceptable! He’s
forcing us to do things we don't want to!
Jonah
(Aloud)
Let’s call the police!
(Monologues of the four,
furious)
How dare this old man! This is
abuse! We are decent people! Morals and good customs! How disgusting! How
indecent! Our values! Our dignity! Everything we’ve worked for! And now this
pervert! He should get the hell out of here! Go to hell!
(Mr. Gale looks at them with a
smile of absolute malice. He points a finger at them.)
Mr. Gale
(Aloud)
Ah! So morals and decency? So
indecent? No, no! I am not the indecent one. You are. Because you are dying to
do everything I asked you to. But your bourgeois shame and shitty morals are
stronger than your desire. Now, please, continue. I'm tired.
(Mr. Gale sits down in a chair
and takes out a plate of popcorn, watching them. The four of them remain
motionless. Slowly, the anger turns into nervous laughter. They laugh at
themselves. They hug each other. They kiss.)
Violet
(Pointing at Jonah)
I always suspected you were a
closet gondolier.
Jonah
(Pointing at Violet)
And you, the queen of fish soup.
Alfred
(To Lucretia)
You're a depraved old woman, and
you know what? I'm dying for it.
Lucretia
(To Alfred)
And you’re a cowardly brat, but
you turn me on like no one else.
Violet
(Addressing the audience)
Life is a comedy, friends. The
worst part is when you don't understand it.
Jonah
(Addressing the audience)
And the best, when you stop
being a freaking actor.
Lucretia
(Addressing the audience)
Or when you decide the show is
worth it.
Alfred
(Addressing the audience, with a
huge smile)
And all of you! You bitter old fools!
What are you looking at!
(Mr. Gale laughs uproariously.
The four characters hug each other as the curtain slowly falls.)
(Final
blackout.)
