THE WAND OF HUINAC
(Or the Comedy of the Evil Vine)
By Benjamín Gavarre
A Traditional Family Comedy in Three Acts
THE WAND OF HUINAC (Or the Comedy of the Evil Vine) © 2026 by BENJAMIN GAVARRE is licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International
Ladies and gentlemen, take your seats and get ready to witness a tangled tale of deep roots and homemade magic. In this traditional family comedy, you will see how an Evil Vine threatens to choke a very peculiar household: a highly dignified grandfather with some... musical digestive issues, a grandmother who mixes up her words, two cheating goons, and a very clever boy named Pulgón. Join us in the mud bog to find out if childhood wit and a singing reed are enough to defeat the weeds and the trickery. Keep your eyes wide open and, just in case, maybe pinch your noses a bit... Let the curtain rise for The Wand of Huinac!
CAST
- GASPAR: The Old Man. Always denies his intestinal noises with extreme dignity.
- CORNELIA: The Wise Old Woman. Mixes up her words and laughs easily.
- PULGÓN: The smart, brave, and observant boy.
- ROCCO: The big guy. Aggressive, clumsy, and not very bright.
- PANFILO: The gossip. Critical, cowardly, but likable.
- BRAVE SHEPHERD: A simple youth, prone to creating unnecessary suspense.
ACT I: THE EVIL VINE AND THE TOAD
(Interior of an old house. Gloomy lighting with sickly green tones. An extensive and relentless dark climbing vine is tightly wrapped around lamps, paintings, and windows. Sinister creaking sounds are heard as it grows.
GASPAR is seated, his vision cloudy. ROCCO grunts, uselessly trying to untangle some stems. PANFILO looks at him with superiority. PULGÓN examines the plant with a scientific spirit).
PULGÓN: Grandpa, look closely! The Vine isn't just choking the other potted plants; it’s stealing our energy! This vase used to be crimson red, and now it looks like a block of greenish mud. Look how it climbs and tangles around the lamp!
GASPAR: (Grimacing). Only because you say so, boy... I can’t see very well anymore. Though I do hear its creaking. It’s going to tangle around our legs and leave us tied to the floor like sausages.
ROCCO: Panfilo! The parasite plant is wrapping around my neck! Cut it, rip it off, but don’t poke me! Ouch, it’s choking me, I’m furious!
(PANFILO grabs some scissors and cuts the tendril. As he shows the twisted stem to ROCCO, a loud, long, HIGH-PITCHED FART breaks the suspense. Everyone freezes in shock and then bursts into laughter).
GASPAR: (Jumps, feigning surprise and extreme dignity). There it is again! Did you hear it? The creaking of the Vine! It’s breaking the roof beams!
PANFILO: (Covering his nose). Grandpa, for heaven's sake! That was no botanical creak! That was a very long, very smelly fart of yours!
ROCCO: (Laughing out loud). Yeah, Grandpa! A very shameless fart! Admit it!
CORNELIA: (Enters in a rush. She laughs with a sudden, high-pitched fit). Oh, my socks! I mean, my hips! I can’t handle this much laughter! Gaspar, darling, you always say it was a monkey! I mean... a toad!
GASPAR: (Firmly). It was a toad! A fat toad that crashed bottom-first against the door! I swear it was a toad!
CORNELIA: Toad or no toad, the Vine is going to swallow us whole! I was researching in this botany book... (She shows them the book; everyone squints but can’t see a thing). It says the only cure is the stem of the Huinac plant. A magic wand, firm and rough. It grows in the mud bogs and stinks like tonic water... it cures paralysis, tuberculosis...
PULGÓN: Quinine is for malaria... Oh no, your aphasia is rubbing off on me, Grandma! Focus, Grandma, concentrate.
CORNELIA: (Resetting). The Wand of Huinac! It is so powerful it will wipe out this climber. We must find it. (Returns to her aphasia). I need a cat... a cap... a cake... A map, darn it! There is a "friendly" mud bog right by the highway entrance...
PULGÓN: I know that mud bog! I’ll go!
CORNELIA: Yes, you go, my child. We need innocence. If Rocco goes, he’ll surely break the box... the mass... the wand! And you, Panfilo, are no good either. The wand requires a pure soul, and you are too salty, tired... wicked, I mean.
PANFILO: I am not wicked, Grandma, nor am I salty... haha, and for the record, I am not making fun of your crossed wires, hahaha.
(PULGÓN exits determinedly with a satchel. ROCCO and PANFILO exchange a look of envy and malice, and sneak out after him. Blackout).
ACT II: THE MUD BOG, THE DECEPTION, AND THE SINGING REED
(The stage simulates a muddy terrain with mounds. PULGÓN enters running and jumping nimbly. Behind him come ROCCO grunting and PANFILO panting).
PULGÓN: (Shouting). I told you the mud bog was a shortcut! We’re almost there!
PANFILO: (Hiding behind a mound). Rocco, now! Throw the rope and catch that slippery dwarf!
ROCCO: (Clumsily throws a rope, but tangles his own feet and falls face-first into the mud). Damn it, the mud sucked me in! I’m gonna break your skull!
PANFILO: (Runs out with a net). You useless brute, leave it to me! Take this!
(Panfilo throws the net, but PULGÓN makes a sharp dodge, jumps nimbly, and the net falls over Rocco. The two brothers get tangled up fighting each other).
PULGÓN: I don’t want to act smart... I AM smarter, ha, ha!
(PULGÓN uses the distraction to reach the Huinac Tree in the center of the stage).
PULGÓN: (Ecstatic). Look! The Magic Wand of Huinac! The tree gives it to me because I have a good heart and I’m faster! (A green branch glows intensely and Pulgón takes it).
PANFILO: (Manages to free himself from the net. Feigns amazement and points at the sky). Look, Pulgón, quick! A flying toad like Grandpa's!
PULGÓN: (Turns around, gullible for a second). Where?
ROCCO: (Lunges from behind, snatches the wand and shows it off). You fell for it, cherub! Past tense of the past, past...
PANFILO: (Snatches it from Rocco quickly). Ha, how do you like them apples! Now I am the owner, you pair of morons!
(PANFILO runs euphorically, but slips in the mud. ROCCO catches up to him, squeezes him with brute force, and recovers the Wand).
ROCCO: (In an aggressive whisper). Now that we have the magic, we must neutralize little Pulgón!
PANFILO: (Wiping his sweat). By "neutralize" do you mean... put him to sleep for a good while?
ROCCO: More or less! (Approaches Pulgón, menacingly). Pulgooon!
PANFILO: (Makes a ridiculous theatrical gesture). Abracadabrapopo! With these words, I neutralize you!
(PULGÓN stands frozen in confusion. ROCCO takes the Wand from Panfilo and bonks Pulgón on the head. An unexpected and high-pitched “DING DING DING” sounds. PULGÓN collapses comically).
PANFILO: You went too far, you beast! We overdid it!
ROCCO: I only neutralized him, like we agreed!
PANFILO: We have to hide the body! I’ll make the earth swallow him! Cadabrapopopopopo! Cosmic rays! (The Wand flickers, gives a weak spark, and turns off completely). Now you broke it! Use the traditional method! Bury him, Rocco.
ROCCO: (Whining). Bury him, Rocco? Help me, you donkey.
PANFILO: You can do it by yourself! Weren't you the strongest?
ROCCO: Always me! It's always me!
(ROCCO buries Pulgón leaving only a thin green reed poking out of the dirt. The brothers flee. The sound of the vine tendrils grows. Tension music abruptly shifts to a cheerful, fairy-tale tone. The BRAVE SHEPHERD enters whistling. He sees the glowing reed, cuts it, and polishes it. When he tries to blow into it, the flute glows and sings by itself with a resonant and funny voice).
FLUTE: (Pre-recorded voice)
Shepherd boy, shepherd boy, don't stop playing your sweet sound!
For the Wand of Huinac, my brothers left me in the ground!
BRAVE SHEPHERD: (Terrified but fascinated, with melodramatic exaggeration). A flute that sings truths! The instrument of justice! I must tell the whole town! I’ll go house to house! And while I'm at it, I can catch up on the neighborhood gossip, heh, heh!
(Runs off holding the flute high. Blackout).
ACT III: THE REVELATION AND THE UNTANGLING
(The house. The tendrils have grown alarmingly. ROCCO and PANFILO stand before GRANDPA GASPAR, holding the dead Wand. A loud vegetal creak is heard).
PANFILO: (Nervous). Look at it, Grandpa! The Wand of Huinac! The creaking has even stopped!
GASPAR: (Grumpy). You lie! I can still hear them. (A massive creak sounds, followed by a comical drum rimshot: Ba-Dum-Tss). The Vine has almost made me blind!
(CORNELIA and the BRAVE SHEPHERD burst into the room. The Shepherd holds the flute tightly to his chest and stops in the doorway to create suspense).
BRAVE SHEPHERD: (Speaks extremely slowly). Ladies and gentlemen! I bring incredible news! Very delicate information... Get this: Did you know the blacksmith is thinking of selling his anvil? And over at Mrs. Elvira's house, they already have three laying hens! What a mystery!
CORNELIA: (Desperate). Enough with the cars... I mean, crashes! Oh, dog, dug!
GASPAR: My love, please, focus...
CORNELIA: Tell us if you know anything about Pulgón! I’m dying of monkeys... of tangos... of nerves, darn it!
BRAVE SHEPHERD: I didn't find the boy, Doña Cornelia! But in the mud, I found this magic reed that tells stories!
(The Shepherd blows the flute. Magic floods the room).
FLUTE: (Pre-recorded voice)
Shepherd boy, shepherd boy, don't stop playing your sweet sound!
Rocco and Panfilo drowned me for the Wand, down in the ground!
(The effect is immediate. The voice of the flute makes the wood of the house resonate. The lighting brightens. The tendrils freeze. The Wand in Rocco’s hands reacts to the reed’s song and begins to emit a vibrant green light).
GASPAR: (Jumps to his feet). It’s the boy’s voice! Pulgón is alive! The flute tells us the truth!
ROCCO: (Falls to his knees, scared of the magic). Forgive us, forgive us! We only gave him a little bonk!
CORNELIA: (Snatches the Wand, which glows brightly). You monsters! Come on, Gaspar! The flute will guide us to dig up the child!
(They rush out guided by the Shepherd playing the flute. After a brief and comical musical ellipsis where Rocco and Panfilo tremble holding each other, the family returns triumphant with PULGÓN, covered in dried mud but with a huge smile of victory).
PULGÓN: I have returned from the Mud! And I am ALIVEEE!
CORNELIA: (Brandishes the wand with theatrical gestures). Wand of Huinac, put an end to the vine and the mix-ups! May my tongue never get tangled again! (The vine begins to wither rapidly, blooming with colorful flowers).
PULGÓN: And the punishment for these two cheaters will be double!
ROCCO: (Trembling). Please don't turn me into a toad, I beg you!
PULGÓN: Worse! You will be the house servants for a whole month... wearing floral aprons and singing while you sweep!
ROCCO: (Grabs the broom, resigned, and puts on a ridiculous floral apron Cornelia tosses him). Fine, fine... Always me, always me... (He sweeps a wall, which magically recovers a beautiful blue color).
PANFILO: (Polishing a chair wearing another apron). Alright, I didn't mean any harm, I just wanted to win. I promise never to cheat again. (The chair shines in a rich mahogany tone).
(PULGÓN taps his brothers on the head with the Wand as a playful pardon, and then touches the last remaining tendrils. They dry up, turn into stardust, and disappear. The general lighting recovers warm and festive colors).
GASPAR: (Looking at his wife with immense tenderness). Cornelia! I can see the world clearly again!
(GASPAR smiles, swelling with happiness. His joy is so great that a LONG, HIGH-PITCHED FART escapes him, echoing through the room, now sounding almost like a festive trumpet).
EVERYONE: Grandpa! Again?
CORNELIA: My darling... please don’t say it was a toad again!
GASPAR: (Smiles mischievously, recovering his extreme dignity). I will tell you the truth, family... (Dramatic pause. He laughs, and ANOTHER high-pitched, unmistakable FART sounds). It was a toad, my love! A toad! I won't lie to you, you must believe me. I swear it!
(Everyone bursts into joyous laughter. The Brave Shepherd does acrobatics while playing cheerful notes on his reed flute. Rocco and Panfilo sweep comically, dancing in their aprons. Cornelia and Gaspar dance an elegant waltz. Pulgón jumps around in a loose, triumphant, and weird way, waving the glowing wand. The music shifts to a joyful, frantic Cancan that fills the theater with pure celebration. The lighting shines at its brightest, in gold and green tones, and suddenly, BLACKOUT).
(The entire company comes out to take a bow with exaggerated and funny curtsies).
END OF PLAY
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