www.dramavirtual.org: VAMP CODE (OR TWILIGHT IN BRIGHTON.

domingo, septiembre 27, 2026

VAMP CODE (OR TWILIGHT IN BRIGHTON.

VAMP CODE

(Or Twilight in Brighton)

By Benjamin Gavarre

gavarreunam@gmail.com

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce this delicate yet piercing theatrical divertissement. We journey to a foggy beach —let us say Torremolinos, or perhaps Brighton, should you prefer a dash of the dismal British atmosphere— in the years just after 1975. There, the night veils a set of aristocrats with rather worn fangs and... shall we say, archaic customs. Count Armand and his venerable mother languish in their folding chairs, clinging to a past glory as brittle as their own bones, awaiting that shipment of "sterile soil" which, frankly, one prefers not to imagine the use for.

However, eternity can become dreadfully tedious, and their monotonous menu is about to be altered. The intrusion of a cheeky, working-class delivery boy, followed by the arrival of a hopelessly romantic young poet, will test the patience —and the appetite— of our ancient masters. What unfolds is not a tragedy of stakes and garlic, but a charming farce; a confrontation between a pretentious decadence that refuses to die and the insolent vitality of a youth that refuses to be consumed. It is a poetic rebellion that leaves the "flesh-eaters" facing their most terrifying prospect: being utterly out of style. Enjoy this warm, ironic little bite.

Lady Vamp

CHARACTERS:

COUNT ARMAND: An ancient, decadent, and exquisite vampire.
LADY CONSTANCE (DOÑA VIRTUDES): Armand’s mother and enabler. As old as a crack in time.
JOHNNY FLOWERS: A working-class delivery boy, cheeky and carefree. The future "Marquis of Flowers."
COUNT AURELIUS (ORO VIEJO): A Hungarian vampire, patriarch, imposing.
BLAISE TOWERS: A handsome, refined young man, a hopeless romantic.
COUSIN BETTY: A young vampire, inexperienced and ambitious.

SCENE I

(A beach in Brighton, shrouded in night fog and the dim light of a streetlamp. It is the late 1970s. COUNT ARMAND and LADY CONSTANCE sit on folding chairs, drinking from cut-crystal chalices. Enter JOHNNY FLOWERS, sweating buckets, dragging a heavy, thick cylindrical package wrapped in black plastic. The package slips between his legs in a suddenly explicit image, and Johnny flashes a purely cheeky smile at the audience).

JOHNNY FLOWERS: (Wiping sweat with the sleeve of his terrycloth shirt). Excuse me... The eponymous Count of the Chelsea district? I’ve got your delivery. I’ve been riding the Vespa all the way from the pier, dodging the coppers at the checkpoints. It’s the urgent package you ordered for the night shift... (Complains). Weighs like a dead body, pardon the expression. Here, grab it by the base, it's tilting.

COUNT ARMAND: (Adjusting his monocle with disdain). Do not come near me, linageless proletarian! We ordered no such monstrosity! I am impatiently awaiting, rather, a shipment of sterile soil!

JOHNNY FLOWERS: Well, the slip says: "For Deep Nocturnal Use." Sterile sand for what, if I might ask... (Seeing the Count's indignation) Alright, alright... Come on, sign the bloody thing. If I don't deliver the parcel, they'll dock my week's wages and I'll have to survive on the two quid from my very, very frugal Uni grant. Come on, take it, I can even track your sand for you if you like... (Smiles with malicious intent) And what’s the sand for? Playing on the beach? Gonna bury yourself up to the neck? Don't like the regular beach sand? Don't like the crowds, is that it? Think Brighton's gotten a bit too touristy? Is the sterile sand so the ants don't crawl up your legs? Or are you bothered by the cigarette butts the careless always leave behind?

LADY CONSTANCE: (Hitting the package with her silver-handled cane). Get that monstrosity out of my sight! You have no class! You lack proper manners! You are vulgar and meddlesome... You smell of boats, of an impudent sailor! I bet you and your cronies engage in... unspeakable acts! Mmmh.

JOHNNY FLOWERS: (Loses his balance; the package drops on his left foot and, like a football pass, he kicks it toward Lady Constance). Bollocks to the salty sea!

(He hops on one foot, crashes into the streetlamp, the streetlamp falls onto Armand's chair, crushing his brittle old vampire legs. Pitch black).

(The deafening sound of a needle scratching a David Bowie vinyl. Strobe lights. Everything rewinds in fast motion: Johnny Flowers walks backwards, the package flies back into his hands. Silence).

[LOOP 2]

(The scene restarts, but with slight changes. Johnny Flowers enters sweating with the package between his legs, but now he wears a cheeky smile and moves like a carefree, comic cowboy stripper).

JOHNNY FLOWERS: Excuse me... Mr. Dracula? Got your delivery... a lump full of sand...

COUNT ARMAND: (Interrupting with a scream, possessed by a déjà vu). Finally, Johnny Flowers! I needed my sterile sand! You took too long! No tip for you! You are vile and vulgar... although... I have a terrible urge to bite your neck. I want your jugular, come closer!

JOHNNY FLOWERS: (Dodging him with a spin worthy of a dance floor). Alright, alright, don't get all high and mighty on me, Mr. Count. Don't go thinking I want to turn into a vampire. I'd have to be your subordinate, your slave... how awful. Not you... well yes, you too, but that biting business, no. I don't like it. (Turns around, muttering). Bloody aristocrats, always signing up right away, they want a piece of you because they're dying for it, but at the same time they despise you. How twisted... Wonder what he wants the sand for... There's plenty of sand on the beach...

(Exits the stage dragging the package in an untouchable, super-powered stripper choreography, listening to music on his headphones. Darkness and the sound of a scratched record).

[LOOP 3]

(Lights back on. Scene restarts. Now, sitting next to Armand and Constance, is COUNT AURELIUS: a Hungarian vampire, a powerful patriarch with a gypsy-cut suit and a Transylvanian royalty vibe. Johnny Flowers arrives).

JOHNNY FLOWERS: Here's the package.

COUNT ARMAND: Ah, very good. It's my sterile sand, right?

JOHNNY FLOWERS: Couldn't tell ya, we're not allowed to look at the contents...

COUNT ARMAND: (Locks eyes with Johnny, hypnotizing him). I'd love to throw myself at your jugular, but for now you will be a gift...

JOHNNY FLOWERS: (Fighting the trance) Ah, you posh lot only want to take advantage of us young folks, you want fresh blood...

(He doesn't finish the sentence because LADY CONSTANCE stands up and hypnotizes him with a wave of her hands. Johnny Flowers sits on a chair, motionless, staring blankly. Brief lighting transition to denote the passage of time).

COUNT AURELIUS: I am Aurelius. Blood of ancient lords, powerful feudal masters, patriarch of European vampires.

COUNT ARMAND: (Fascinated) An equal! A being of high lineage! Join us on the hunt, majestic lord, let us hunt with our falcons!

(Several beautiful youths walk past them in slow motion, exuding fresh blood and sensuality).

JOHNNY FLOWERS: (Still hypnotized, in his own trip) Tweet, tweet, tweet... am I a blackbird?

COUNT AURELIUS: What a charming boy. Spouting nonsense and yet...

COUNT ARMAND: He is a simpleton... What do you think of the Russian countess over there?

COUNT AURELIUS: She is a simpleton. I'm bored already. (Looks at Johnny Flowers, who, still in a trance, starts dancing a soft, sexy shepherd choreography). You know what? I'm taking Johnny Flowers. Turns out I fancy him. He has a certain... rustic je ne sais quoi.

COUNT ARMAND: But it's Johnny Flowers! He's a sheep herder, a delivery boy with no pedigree!

COUNT AURELIUS: He is now my consort. You two stay here with your bitterness. Let's go, Johnny boy!

(Aurelius throws Johnny over his shoulder, carrying him like a precious sack, and they exit the stage).

SCENE II

(A few nights have passed. The loop is broken. Armand and Lady Constance are on stage. BLAISE TOWERS appears, a handsome and refined young man, the absolute antithesis of Johnny Flowers).

BLAISE TOWERS: (Courting Lady Constance with exaggerated devotion) Mother of beautiful love! What a geometric silhouette, what a revelation! Constance, I must kiss that alabaster neck... May I touch your silver hair? May I recite Keats to you?

(Lady Constance turns around slowly. She reveals her three-century-old wrinkles, makeup cracked like a peeling wall in a Victorian courtyard, and a smile without a single authentic canine. Johnny Flowers and Count Aurelius enter).

JOHNNY FLOWERS: You do realize, Blaise Towers, that she is an elderly woman, right?!

COUNT AURELIUS: Sir Blaise is quite the romantic gentleman, but choosing Keats? How tiresome...

LADY CONSTANCE: The boy shows signs of gallantry and class... everything we look for in a young lover. Isn't that right, Count Aurelius?

COUNT AURELIUS / COUNT ARMAND: (Simultaneously, hesitating) Undoubtedly... I don't know...

COUNT ARMAND: Ah, beautiful Constance, your selective talents always inflame me... Come, my young friend, I shall invite you to see my chambers...

BLAISE TOWERS: Ah, it was not in my plans to know you quite so deeply, Count Armand...

LADY CONSTANCE: (Pulls out a pocket watch and swings it in front of Blaise's face). I may be older, but look into my eyes, Blaise... Your will is mine... While I am able, I am the faithful servant and procurer for my son, the Count...

BLAISE TOWERS: (Seems dominated for a moment, but blinks and breaks the hypnotic bond). No! This is an ambush... You are all...

COUNT ARMAND: Vampires... Well, not all. The classless boy here is just an upstart, isn't that so, Count Aurelius?

COUNT AURELIUS: I should say not... And I inform you: since the night we spent together, Johnny Flowers is the new consort. The Marquis of Flowers, to you.

LADY CONSTANCE: I feel nauseous. I think I'll fetch a snack myself... Is there still time, young Blaise?

BLAISE TOWERS: I do not forgive betrayal. Find yourselves a new, young matchmaker for your filthy schemes... a youth spell made me fall for it, Lady Constance, but I see you now: you are as old as a crack in time.

COUNT AURELIUS: And I am older still, young man. Do not insult the lady.

BLAISE TOWERS: (To Johnny) And you, friend, what have you become? You look like a shadow in the water, a sleeping hunter, a meaningless youth...

COUNT ARMAND: Now, now, my young friend. We've realized you like to talk and say pretty things, but if you're not staying for pleasure, do us the favor of leaving...

JOHNNY FLOWERS: (With a fake, robotic voice) I am, of my own free will, happy to be by the Count's side... he has named me Marquis of Gold...

BLAISE TOWERS: Of Flowers, from what I heard and understood... Very well... I wish you more youth in your future attempts... (He makes a theatrical bow and exits).

COUNT ARMAND: Leave now, you tedious boy...

SCENE III

(Later. COUSIN BETTY, a new and young relative of Armand, is now sweet-talking Blaise, who has returned like a moth to a flame. Constance paces restlessly, furious at being replaced).

BLAISE TOWERS: You are so beautiful, Betty. I would love to perfume your lovely arms, bite your blushing cheeks, kiss your sweet, caramel lips...

BETTY: Young Blaise, you are so polite and handsome.

LADY CONSTANCE: (From a corner) Ugh, I think I'm going to get a diabetic coma from all this sweetness.

(Johnny Flowers and Count Aurelius enter. They appear to be arguing).

JOHNNY FLOWERS: I can't agree with you all the time! I can't nod to everything forever!

COUNT AURELIUS: You must understand that vampires do not follow the morality of mortals, Marquis...

LADY CONSTANCE: (Rubbing her hands) Ah, what a joy to see them at odds. It's a blessing to know I'm not the only one suffering here...

(Count Armand enters).

COUNT ARMAND: Are you suffering, mother? You shouldn't... you've done your job well for a long time, a very long time. You are "a crack in the sky," as your beautiful beau would say... (Turns to Betty) Is everything ready?

BETTY: (To Blaise) My beloved suitor, I wish to give you a token of my requited love. I will give you a pendant that has belonged to me since the beginning of this century...

BLAISE TOWERS: Ah, not that long ago, then.

BETTY: No, true, I am young... and I've only had my "new occupations" for a short time...

COUNT ARMAND: Alright, enough dialogue, let's get on with it.

JOHNNY FLOWERS: Friend Blaise, you are about to fall, without your will controlling it, into a grand conspiracy that reeks of the obvious from miles away.

COUNT AURELIUS: Enough, Marquis. I've told you clearly not to meddle in the affairs of your elders...

COUNT ARMAND: Betty, do what you must.

LADY CONSTANCE: It seems my cousin is as clumsy as she is young.

BETTY: (Shows the pendant to Blaise in an obvious attempt at mind control). By the abysses of Baal, by the walls of Mesopotamia, by the gates of Vlad's castle, by the mysteries of life away from the sun... heed me! You are a part of me, you will do my will, you will be my servant, you will obey me...

BLAISE TOWERS: (Eyes rolling back) I am yours.

JOHNNY FLOWERS: Don't do it, Blaise! You'll end up like me, subjected to a force you perhaps didn't want to heed... Yes, I'm saying it now, Count: I did not go to your chambers entirely of my own free will. And now I am witnessing another deception and I won't allow it!

COUNT ARMAND: You shut up, delivery boy reeking of poverty! I knew upstarts always end up falling flat on their backs...

BLAISE TOWERS: I am yours, Betty, command me and I will obey...

BETTY: You shall have the honor of serving my uncle. Go to Armand's chambers, he will give you power, and eternal life... go...

(At that moment, Lady Constance lunges and snatches the pendant from her cousin with a piercing shriek).

LADY CONSTANCE: Nooooo! Enough! I cannot watch another take my place! This woman is a harpy, Blaise, she only wants to deceive you! Johnny Flowers, that wretched, unfortunate, vile poor boy is right! Go! Get away from this dance of vampires! Go with Johnny Flowers, he will help you...

BLAISE TOWERS: (Snapping out of the trance, confused) I... with the Marquis... but, but... Count Aurelius...

JOHNNY FLOWERS: His name says it all, mate... Aurelius. Means 'golden' and is 'old'. He is ancient as gold itself. Being with him is being dead in life, before even living as the living dead... Let's go, friend Blaise... Let's leave these noble courtiers to drink tea together, and keep finding victims like you or me. For now, we are stepping out of this hellish circle. Let's go, let's go, my noble friend!

(Johnny Flowers grabs Blaise by the arm and they both run off into the fog).

COUNT AURELIUS: You've shown the true colors they warned me about, Johnny Flowers... Your title is too big for you, but it's yours now, there's nothing I can do... (Sighs) I will stay with my friend Armand... if he has no objections...

LADY CONSTANCE: How lovely. I would stay, but I think I'd rather watch the moon move toward the horizon. Perhaps I'll stay awake until dawn... don't wait up for me, if you were planning to... Count, son... Cousin... (She exits with aristocratic dignity, leaning on her cane).

COUNT ARMAND: Come, niece. Keep these old men company, we might still find some good companionship for tonight. Look, I was thinking...

LADY CONSTANCE: (Returns, poking just her head in) The nerve! They’ve just been humiliated and rejected, and they’re already plotting another deception... (Exits again).

COUNT ARMAND: I was only thinking of a good night with ancient liquors, mother... we are very tired, for now... but if you have no qualms and want to leave the moon for another night, you can come join us... (Looks out into the fog) Look. Look, everyone. Those two odious young souls just flew by... Let the humiliation we received today be a lesson to accept that the time when we got what we wanted without mercy and without punishment... has passed. Come. I have an immense desire to lose my senses.

(Armand, Aurelius, and Betty walk slowly into the darkness. In the distance, the engine of a Vespa is heard fading away).

CURTAIN