Filus (Monologue) by Benjamín Gavarre

Filus

(Monologue)

by Benjamín Gavarre Silva

Character:

Filus (Voice of Bosca, Cavernous Voice, Voice of Abus)

1.

Basement, almost totally dark. Old furniture and abandoned objects. Voices from above: an argument between Filus and his sister Bosca.

Filus's Voice. — You're too young, and unmarried!

Bosca's Voice. — Oh yeah? You know what happens when you make me angry?

Filus's Voice. — I know what can happen if you touch a hair on my head!

Bosca's Voice. — Ooh, scary!

Filus's Voice. — You asked for it!

Bosca's Voice. — You'll see… You always lose with me. (It's understood that Bosca is hitting him).

Filus's Voice. — Help! Bosca's gone crazy! Abus, control your granddaughter!

Grandmother scolds Filus.

Abus's Voice. — Filus! Leave your sister alone! What's wrong with you? I told you to clean up the basement. What have you been doing?

Bosca's Voice. — Filus has been pondering all day. He's thinking about his wonderful, unattainable projects.

Filus's Voice. — My projects are transcendent, significant.

Bosca's Voice. — Ooh, you sound so important!

Abus's Voice. — Don't fight. Filus, five minutes to clean the basement.

Filus's Voice. — Leave me alone, Grandma; I want it like this.

Abus's Voice. — Clean that pigsty.

Filus's Voice. — I'm no one's slave.

Abus's Voice. — You'll do it.

Bosca's Voice. — Don't do it, Filus! Save humanity!

Filus's Voice. — Shut up already!

Abus's Voice. — I'm taking away your internet if you don't clean it.

Bosca's Voice. — That'll hurt him.

Filus's Voice. — (Shouting) Alright, Grandma! I'll do it my way!

Abus's Voice. — Whatever you want.

Bosca's Voice. — Quick, little brother, quick. Bye-bye.

Dark

2.

Filus in the basement.

Filus. — (Goes down, in a bad mood but determined. Takes the broom). My way. Fix a hole? I, Filus, will transform it magnificently. (Crying comically) Why me!

Leaves the broom, sits down.

Why me!

Looks for socks, puts one on his head.

(Mocking) Woe is me! I have no face! I lost my face! I have no face, woe is me!

Takes out a fake skull.

(Histrionic, to the skull) Grandpa? (As grandpa) Me?... Viscount Filus III. Murdered in Cairo. Can you take off that sock? (Filus) I'm bored, grandpa. I hate normalcy. I'm superior. Grandma makes me do chores that bore me. (Grandpa) Yes, yes… (Improvised song) Why don't you rub yourself, why don't you scratch yourself, why don't you stop thinking… Give yourself a good massage…! (Filus) Enough, grandpa… great-grandpa…! That's not what I need… (Grandpa) Lustful, bizarre, controversial? Your kingdom is not of this world. (Filus) I want something important, transcendent, that transforms the world. (Grandpa) The world… incandescent mass… dinosaurs… men… you. (Filus) You're too pessimistic. I better leave you. (Grandpa) Great-grandpa, not grandpa. (Filus) Goodbye.

Leaves the skull, thoughtful. Goes to a cart with jars of old samples.

(With a jar, imitating Bosca) Look, Filus, it's not extraordinary… blood from last Monday week. (Another jar) Urine from Tuesday… What a disgrace! I want to turn these undesirable samples into acceptable ones. (As Filus) Bosca, you're crazy. Everything is disgusting. (Bosca) Oh… thanks, little brother. But remember… Clean the basement, or Grandma will take away your internet.

Filus sweeps unconvincingly.

Thanks, Grandma. (Pathetic comically) You forced me like a servant, a slave! I always lose with you. You don't need to fix the basement if you never go down there. It's mine. Only mine. (Sweeps, tidies, mops to the rhythm of his cell phone). (Satisfied with the changes) Well, it did need it! Amazing how I move an object… (Tidies up) and the space changes. Amazing. I throw this trash away… (Throws the trash) Very amazing. (Basement clean) I transformed the space with movements. (Looks at the result) Yes, easy; modifications… create the non-existent room. Everything is image, appearance. Space is form! (Records his voice) Slight change, structure with: The Form... The new image! (To himself) I'm a genius. (Reflects) Why limit myself to objects, spaces? Why not create… The new image of a living being!…?

Mmhh. Easy… What do I need? I know.

Dark

3.

Days later. Photomontage of a kind, traditional grandmother, with an apron, old clothes, curlers, an old housewife. Hole to put your face in.

Filus, with his cell phone, on a lectern, scientific conference. Imaginary audience of geneticists.

(Didactic, vain) I designed the most ingenious Cosmetic Transformation program. I created the most attractive image.

With his cell phone, he plays applause, bows.

(Behind the image of Abus, puts his face in the hole) Bravo, Filus.

(Returns to the lectern) The external image is fundamental today. Fortunes spent to be attractive. (Abus laughs) I concentrated all my wisdom on transforming desires for change even in elderly beings… like my grandma. (Excited) I, Filus, turned my grandma into what she desired! (Recorded applause).

Satisfactory but not conclusive results.

I'll tell you about a few days ago:

4.

(Sepia light. Filus interviews his grandmother, sweetly). Abus, think about what you've longed for all your life, the impossible.

(“Abus”). Filus, I wouldn't say it in public! I don't want to be inappropriate… but I'll tell you. I was never short of suitors... Aristocrats, ambassadors, musicians. Kind, educated, of noble lineage. I was very successful. I let them court me, but they were human; none of them made me feel anything. The aristocrats are gone and I don't regret it. I'm not in love, no. How could I be with...? I can't stop thinking about him since he joined the service. I can't get him out of my head, my imagination, I mean. And I haven't even heard him, I don't know how he talks or what he thinks. And no, I don't feel any desire of any kind, even though he's very young and walks around like that… so… shirtless…

(Filus) Abus, who are you talking about?

(Abus) I don't think my vain intention to spend the night with him is in bad taste. If nobody notices… Do you think it would be frowned upon if I spent the night with… (Whispering) the gardener?

(Filus, astonished) With the gardener! (Silence. Continues his scientific exposition, vainly). Grandma, describe the kind of woman who would inevitably make the gardener fall at your feet… What would she be like?

(Grandma) Pretty, elegant, nice… elegant…

(Filus) Grandma, if you could make a wish and become the most attractive woman on earth… what would you be like? Describe that woman!

(Grandma) Pretty, elegant, nice… elegant…

(Filus) Grandma.

(Grandma) Elegant… with a little hat, a purse. Nice.

(Filus. Assumes she won't change her description, starts the experiment). Okay. Good. (Very excited). Ready, Grandma? Are you prepared? We are facing one of the most glorious, most transcendent experiments! You will be part of this reality created by me and only by me! Here begins the history of the transformable world at will! Here is the first example of my brilliant intelligence. Share with me fame and glory: I am now a decisive part of the history of humanity!

5.

Lights and special sound effects. Dark. Another photomontage: elegant grandmother, without apron, with purse, pretty, nice, sweet. Image of what Abus wanted to be, to conquer the gardener or go out with friends.

Filus puts on a mask with Grandma's made-up, serene face in the hole.

(Filus. Takes off the mask, to the audience). That was all. Nothing happened. Or yes, it was a success. Controls were good, data was correct, the experiment was performed as it should have been. But… What had to happen happened. My grandmother asked to be a pretty, elegant, nice… elegant… woman and she already was. She has always been like that. She is very comfortable with who she is… and that, ladies and gentlemen, is… Very good. Very good... Yes, to tell the truth.

(Filus, very sad, plays recorded applause, but this time he doesn't bow).

Oh, but this couldn't stay like this. No sir. I had to continue researching and experimenting.

Dark

6.

When the light comes on, Filus enters with a cart on top of which there is a human-sized capsule. Inside the capsule, instead of a person, is the doll of his sister Bosca, with whom he will interact.)

(Filus addresses his specialist audience) Before starting the second experiment… I had an interesting chat with my sister. It was something like…

He interacts with the doll that represents his sister.

— “Bosca, little sister...”

— “What, Filus!”

— “Why don't you tell me about your greatest wish, your deepest longing.”

— “Me? No, Filus, I like myself just the way I am.”

— “Tell me your wishes, Bosca!”

— “No, Filus, leave me alone. I don't want any changes, Filuuus! Help, Filus has gone crazy! Grandmaaa!”

(Filus didactic, pleasant) We are undoubtedly in times when everyone wants powers. Everyone wants to fly, read minds, take inter… inter… galactic trips. Whatever. Everyone wishes for at least one power that we can control and that is part of our daily lives. So, I was investigating. I made great progress in the science of quantum esdrodosphere and was able to get the best results for a significant change in the subjects of the experiment. In this case the subject was… Bosca. My sister. I'll tell you how it all went. (He takes Bosca's doll to the capsule and closes the lid. He says goodbye with a sad gesture).

(Filus goes to the podium and addresses his audience again) ... therefore, although the alchemists were right in their intentions, they were technologically and scientifically incapable of achieving the transmutation of elements. I, even with the positive results, although not those expected by me, which is the most important thing… I learn like any good scientist and even more... I confirm my hypothesis: THE WORLD IS TRANSFORMABLE.

Abus's Voice. — (From above) Bravo, Filus; they're going to love that.

Filus. — (Resuming, slightly uncomfortable with the interruption). I made a momentary modification taking a living being as the object of study. However, not feeling satisfied with the merely circumstantial change, although successful, right, Abus... (Abus laughs from above). I decided to take my experiment even further: to effect an intrinsic transformation of the basic structure. That is, a thorough, molecular and permanent transmutation. (Excited) A drastic alteration in the physiology of a living being, starting from the primary esdrodospheric elements. Yes, I mean exactly a total internal metamorphosis, but without significant external changes. (Very excited) That's right, I'm talking about the feasible quantum and chromosomal genetic alteration in a living subject. (Plays recorded applause on his own mobile phone).

Abus's Voice. —That's it, Filus... bravo!

Filus. — (Regains composure). I want to thank the infinite cooperation of my second and current subject of study, who kindly volunteered herself to be used in this experiment. She… supposedly… should…. Be inside this capsule… You know. I asked her: Bosca, dear sister, what is your deepest wish… What do you want me to turn you into… Give or take a few words.

(His phone rings, he answers the message). Yes, I remember… Yes, Grandma. “To fly, to have supernatural strength, to control whoever she wants… And of course, to have the ability to walk through walls whenever she wants, yes, whenever she wanted… to impersonate whoever she wants, to read minds… and… and… and… To become invisible.”

(Records his voice on his cell phone, very professionally). The subject wanted to become invisible.

That's it.

(He stands still, for a few seconds, in silence). And… well apparently… the experiment… worked. I put her in this capsule. (He opens the capsule lid and it is evident that it is empty. If possible, the inside of the empty capsule will be shown to the audience, as in a magic trick). And well… She's gone.

One explanation I can give is that she is now indeed invisible… but… why doesn't she communicate? And on the other hand. She is invisible, I say, but she certainly is not mute. No. She really likes communication. You know. And even if she were invisible and mute… well, she could touch me, she could even give me a punch, a kick… Or something not so violent. She could take my hand.

(Resumes his place as speaker). We can say that the experiment has been… a relative success. We have been able to transform the subject. But… we have no longer been able to have contact with her. That's it.

Recorded applause, scarce. Filus's awkward face.

Dark

7.

Filus is sitting on top of an old piece of furniture with a sock on his head.

Filus. — (Disappointed). No, I am not the genius of all time. I am a failure. I have no face. Nothing I do turns out right. (The capsule lid opens, then it lights up. A high-pitched, distant sound is heard). Little sister? Bosca? Are you there? (Filus takes the sock off his head and jumps up excitedly. He stands next to the capsule and tries to get his sister to communicate). Bosca...! (He taps the lid with his knuckles, opens and closes it several times). Hey...! (He closes the lid and tries to hear what's happening inside. Nervous female laughter, male guffaws are heard). Bosca, what are you doing, huh?

A distorted female voice is heard.

Distorted Female Voice. — Filus...! Stay away! Get out of here before it's too...!

Filus. — Bosca?... (Silence. Filus, bewildered, opens the capsule lid). And this book? It's open on this page… It has a cat enclosed in a circle. A white cat… Why a white cat? (Filus takes the book and begins to read). Special incantation for when all is lost: Make a great circle; with the salt of a thousand years make a circle. Begin in calm and slowly reach a high night. Make the world darkness and the night a sphere. When the light of the fire is in the center, you will know the words... (Filus places himself under a beam of light on the stage; then, he lights a candle and places it in the center. He walks out carefully and takes the book again). Now, consult page two hundred and forty-one... (Obediently). Page two, four, one: here it is. (He reads). If you know how many lives a cat has, go and place yourself in the center. (He reaches the center of the circumference. Filus takes the candle and continues reading). Are you inside yet?... (Filus answers). Yes, now what...? (He reads). Now, if you truly know how many lives the cat has, count the necessary times again and again until it arrives. (He stops reading). I understand... Thank you, Bosca, wherever you are. I hope you can forgive me. But I don't understand any of this, the book and the white cat… And… I think… I imagine… I'm sure it's a spell for a cat to appear. Very interesting. (Longingly). It's magic. (He reflects). No, but what am I saying. I hate magic and that nonsense. (He reads again). This is very easy. Let's see... (He leaves the circle and puts the book and the extinguished candle on a piece of furniture. He places a blackboard on the tripod and writes). A cat has seven lives. Seven cats once (7 x 1 = 7). That's seven. (He continues writing the quantities). Seven cats twice: fourteen... (Blackboard: 7 x 2 = 14). Plus seven... (He writes and says: 14 + 7 = 21) equals twenty-one. And if we subject this result to an exponential value we will have twenty-one, plus twenty-eight, plus thirty-five plus forty-two... (He writes and says: 21 + 28 + 35 + 42) plus seven times seven which is forty-nine... (He writes and says: +49) we get as a result: One hundred and ninety-six cats (He writes: 196 cats).

And if we add from back to front (He writes and says: 6 + 9 = 15 + 1) Or no... Better from front to back... we have: one, plus nine equals ten (He writes and says: 1 + 9 = 10) and if we add six we will have...

(He writes and says 10 + 6 = 16) sixteen... And of course ONE plus SIX is logically and simply the final result... (He writes 1 + 6) It equals SEVEN!... Therefore, a cat has seven lives. Or wasn't it nine?... I'm going to look it up on Google... (He looks on his cell phone). It has seven or nine... it depends on the country. Okay. Anyway, where is the damn cat...?

The light goes out completely. Then, the center of the circle slowly lights up and we see…

The image of a full-bodied demon, a statue or large puppet, perhaps an alebrije or Judas. Its voice is heard from within.

Cavernous Voice. — Here I am, Filus... You called me.

Filus. — (Disdainful). I didn't call you. I wanted an answer.

Cavernous Voice. — Come, get closer.

Filus. — I'm not coming closer. Where's my sister? Do you have her?

Cavernous Voice. — Yes or yes…?

Filus. — Yes, what?

Cavernous Voice. — I am the solution to your problems, I am the solution.

Filus. — Really? I want my experiments to work; I want my sister to come back. Are you capable of helping me?

Cavernous Voice. — Everything you do works. That's why I came.

Filus. — Nothing I do works. You don't know. I turned my grandma into what she was before, and then I made my sister disappear. Why do you say my experiments work? I'm a failure. I'm disgusting.

Cavernous Voice. — Help me, Filus... Give me your hand.

Filus. — How am I going to give you my hand? You don't have a hand.

Cavernous Voice. — I need you, Filus.

Filus. — Oh yeah, sure. Then you're not a very powerful demon.

Cavernous Voice. — Come, you'll have fun.

Filus. — I don't know... I don't think so.

Cavernous Voice. — If you don't come, your sister won't return with you.

Filus. — That's what I thought. You have her.

Cavernous Voice. — Aha. Aha.

Filus. — What? Is that how you answer? Aha and aha. Frankly, as a demon, you leave much to be desired.

Cavernous Voice. — And you, as a scientist, are pathetic. Turning your sister into a gravitational field of the esdro… esdro… sphere.

Filus. — What? Esdrosphere… How do you know that?

Cavernous Voice. — I stay informed.

Filus. — (Surprised). You...? (Suspicious). It's good that you stay informed… I'm very happy… Little sister.

Cavernous Voice. — What makes you think I'm your sister?

Filus. — Very simple. You got the gender wrong, you said informed, unless you're a she-devil and not a demon…. And… even clearer… The gravitational field is a concept I've been developing in my latest experiments, as well as quantum reality and the intersectional esdrosphere… absolutely mine… the esdrosphere above all is mine… I mean… to…

Cavernous Voice. — Ah… Yes, of course, the esdro… ferferofero…

Filus. — And frankly, Bosca, I think it's in very bad taste that you were spying on my phone, because that's where I have everything recorded… and that you're using privileged information.

Cavernous Voice. — Damn!

Filus. — (Annoyed) That's what I say… (Suddenly optimistic) But it occurs to me, Bosca, that the process is about to be reversed. At first you were mute, invisible, and had no touch. You had no sense of touch, did you?

Cavernous Voice. — (Hesitantly). Nnnooo.

Filus. — (Sincerely). Now I can rest easy, and you even more… I assure you that in a few days… You will….

Sudden dark and explosion.

8.

A few days have passed. When the light returns, the demon and the capsule have disappeared. Filus is once again standing next to the lectern. The lighting is warm and everything is tidy.

(Filus, serenely happy). The truth is that Bosca is happier now than she was before. And no, no one has forced her to remain in the esdrodospheric gravitational state, my invention, and she can if she wants learn to return and then leave according to her desires. The transformation has not been definitive and she has the options of living like this, invisible… Her voice clears up a little more every day and well, it seems… that she can use her sense of touch at will… If she wants, they can feel her and if she doesn't want… You know.

My Abus is very happy now that she's single again… it seems the gardener was just another adventure, but she is definitely happier with her friends. What else? Me? If that's the most important thing… No. It's not true. I've really become a little more humble, especially since I published my esdrodospheric gravitational research, you know, and… well, I have a scholarship and very soon I'm going to work at… the center of… (Filus behaves strangely, as if a force suddenly pushes or pinches him). At a very prestigious institution… you know… and… Bosca?... It's you, of course it's you. Speak, little sister, I know you can speak, even with your hoarse voice… Hey, stop it… Leave me alone. Okay… I think that's all for today. I'll leave you, I have to go upstairs for a moment and leave this basement… because this is where… I spend the most time and I also have to… go out and get some… fresh air…. Please… Grandma… Abuuus… Abuuuuus…. Bosca has definitely gone crazy!… Abuuuus. Grandmaaaaa.

Final dark.

® Benjamín Gavarre Silva