THE COSTUME PARTY
by Benjamin Gavarre
The stage is a large room; a bit like a theater, a bit like a dressing room, a bit like an apartment; but above all, it is the place where our character, whom we will call the Actor, lives; although his real name, the other one, is Pablo.
He finds himself "alone," in extreme intimacy; however, he will interact with certain characters emerging from memory, or from his imagination. He will be accompanied by several others who could be called real characters, but some claim they are also part of his mind; perhaps his mind at the moment of a dream, his sleep; this, however, cannot be confirmed.
As the play begins, the Actor is busily engaged: he chooses his favorite piece of music; then he goes to a clothes rack and tries on different costumes (worker, lawyer, traffic cop, a hero in a sword and armor, Romeo...) but he can't dress himself. So he takes Buffo the Globetrotter out of a huge trunk, who helps him put on his cape, or places his helmet or mortarboard. He models each possible costume in front of a full-length mirror, but none of them convince him. Finally, he chooses a costume: it will be a schoolboy with a sweater, a shield, long pants, loafers, and a backpack. He seeks Buffo the Globetrotter's approval, but he only looks at him silently, mockingly.
The Actor smiles at his final image. It's a smile that suddenly turns into laughter. Then comes silence. He knows exactly what he has to do: he runs quickly to a corner where a sign appears that reads:
devious hiding place... And he pulls out a gun. He forces the bewildered Bufo to leave the scene, then goes to the mirror and points it at his temple...
He fires three shots at his reflection and shouts:
ACTOR. — Enough!
Bufo the Balloon Man suddenly emerges from the trunk and shows the audience a clapperboard on which we read:
SUICIDE!!!
Then, after clapping, he says brilliantly:
BUFFO. — Suicide! Act V, Scene 3... Romeo and Juliet?... No! But anyway: Let's begin!
And he goes back into his trunk.
The doorbell rings, the Actor runs towards it, but at that moment the telephone rings: he decides to go to the telephone first.
ACTOR. — Okay, one moment, please!
He leaves the phone off the hook and goes to the door; he opens it and discovers no one is there. Confused, he closes it and runs to the phone.
ACTOR. — Who's speaking? ( No one answers on the other end of the line ) Okay! ( Silence ) What, aren't you going to answer? Don't tell me. It's you again. You're the Mute... Or the Mute?... Maybe you are the Mute. Well then, my dear, whoever you are: I recommend you go and see a good ENT specialist. Yes, a laryngologist. Let's see if that way you'll stop bothering me. ( And he hangs up, very annoyed ).
For a few moments he stares into space, then picks up the receiver and anxiously dials a number. He waits. Someone answers on the other end of the line, and the Actor hangs up, a mixture of fear and embarrassment. He takes a breath, stares into space again, and dials the same number again. He waits. Someone answers on the other end: he hangs up hastily. Bufo emerges from the trunk and looks at him suspiciously...
BUFF. — They don't answer?
ACTOR: — Yes, they always answer, but me?... I'm like a wolf... Dead with nerves.
BUFF. — Yes, those mutes! Unbearable, aren't they?
ACTOR: — They should be locked up.
BUFF. — Us?
ACTOR : Lock us up if you want; it doesn't matter. But you know what? I'm going to invite them. I'm going to invite them to my birthday party.
BUFF. — Do you think they remember you?
ACTOR. — ( Ignoring ) Only two guests: Veronica and Jerónimo; Jerónimo and Veronica... Do you realize?
BUFF. - No!
ACTOR. — They even have a similar name. Don't you think it's ridiculous?... Jerome and Veronica, ha! ( He grabs his head with an exaggerated gesture of pain ) Oh, this damn migraine again, it's not fair! My poor head...! And it had to hurt today of all times! ( Suddenly, without pain, he looks paranoidly at Bufo ) Yes, I know... but you don't have to look at me like that; it doesn't hurt anymore... Don't look at me like that!... Okay, you're right: I always look for excuses. But this time I'm going to talk to them. ( Bufo picks up the phone and dials Veronica and Jerome's number ) You don't believe me, do you? Well, pay attention to how I talk to them... ( Bufo hands him the receiver and Pablo, while he waits for them to answer, says ...) And don't tell me again that I'm a hypochondriac, because I'm not a hypochondriac. I never have been and never will be... Hello!... Veronica?! ( Very nervous ) Guess who!... Pablo, the same as always, almost the same. What do you think if I invite you to a party?... Yes, that drastic. Tell Verónimo too, Jerónimo... But of course it's serious... There?... You can send it to me later, but look: it's a costume party... Well, it occurred to me... My birthday? No, of course not. You would have remembered, right?... What? You did remember? What did you say?... Oh yes! Of course! Thanks for talking... What?... No, I already know that I'm the one who talked to you, of course; but thanks anyway, yes. For remembering... Oh, you're so insistent! Let's see, send it to me... Jerónimo?... Maestro, what a shame!... What?... Yes, I'm very glad... Yes, really. I was telling Verónima about a party... Yes, a costume party... No, no; Cake if you want, but I hate balloons... Well, I don't know, I've never liked them... What do you say? Ahmmh, early! Is nine good for you?... Nine thirty... Yes?... Let's see, pass it to me... Whatever you want, Vero... A mummy? Well, that sounds great to me... Yes?... Me too, yeah... Perfect... Bye... See you... Ten thirty, yes... Bye!
He hangs up the phone radiantly. Bufo mocks him.
BUFF. — Uh-huh, yeah... Uh-huh, yeah, right. Uh-huh?... yeah. Mh-hmm?... Mh-hmm... mmmhhh.
ACTOR. — ( Happy ) I can't believe it. I'm alive. Alive! ( Proud ) I've noticed. And they're coming. At nine, at nine o'clock sharp. Do you realize? I'm alive!
BUFO. — Congratulations... And what are you going to do with all that vibrant vitality?
ACTOR. — ( Undaunted ) I have a future, a will. I'm almost famous. Today is my birthday, I'm still young. I have health, strength, memory, understanding: Unbeatable conditions.
BUFF. — Hey, that's great! Why don't we get married!
ACTOR. — So you don't believe me? ( Looks at him ) I know what you're thinking: Pablo's going to try again. That's what you think, isn't it? Answer!
BUFF. — Try? What?
ACTOR. — Suicide. Call it what it is:
( Spells ) SUICIDE: Suicide... I mean, whatever it's called.
BUFF. — You... You're taking yourself too seriously!
ACTOR: — What?... What's this about?
BUFF. — ( Very politely, he gives him a balloon ) You are under arrest. Come with me.
ACTOR. — Yes?... Thanks, but I'm fine like this.
BUFO. — Follow me.
ACTOR: — How dare you! I'm not a criminal!
BUFF. — That doesn't matter. You feel guilty, don't you?
ACTOR: Yes . I mean: No! What should I feel guilty about? I just want to feel good.
BUFF. — How original. So you're not guilty of anything.
ACTOR. — No, absolutely not.
BUFF. — And yet, everything you say or do will be used...
ACTOR: — Against me, yes. But is it a nightmare?
BUFF. — Maybe. And maybe everything you say or do won't matter to anyone, not even to yourself...
ACTOR: — That's not possible... Or is it?
BUFF. — I don't know; but the fact is that you have to accompany me.
ACTOR: — Do I have one? What if I run away?
BUFO. — That would be his decision... his choice.
ACTOR: — Are you sure?
BUFF. - No.
ACTOR. — ( Looks for different exits ) And where is the exit?
BUFF. — Through the door, of course, but only some, very few, are in the habit of escaping through the door.
ACTOR. — ( Thoughtful ) Of course... What a confusion! ( Says goodbye to Bufo ) Thank you, it was... a pleasure.
BUFF. — It was nothing.
ACTOR. — Ah... If they ask for me... Tell them I had a very... A truly... commitment.
BUFO. — And he wasn't able to say goodbye to anyone...
ACTOR: — I had to leave. That's all.
The Actor goes to the door and finds it closed. He goes to the full-length mirror and passes through it. He realizes he's in the same space. He passes through the mirror-door again and again. He tries to adopt a rational, analytical attitude.
ACTOR. — Well, after all: who wants to know what's out there? Out there is an abstract concept, as abstract as the concept of Inside. Inside and Outside related to what or for what purpose? If we think about it carefully, we will obtain as a conclusion of this antinomy: a series of data that could reveal the deepest meaning of ontological entities. I mean that taking into account Ubiquity and the Attributes of Being: Space manifests itself precisely in a basic contradiction whose premises are, as I just said, ahmm... Whose premises are precisely, ahmm... ( He holds his head, announcing a headache. Bufo pours him a glass of water ) Whose main premises are, ahmmm... ( He receives the glass of water and looks gratefully at Bufo ) Thank you. ( He drinks it without taking his eyes off him ) You are a... Almost an angel. You know, I have an appointment at eight.
BUFO. — ( Affirming ) A very important appointment.
ACTOR. — Very important. It's more of a party than a date. A costume party, ( Corrects himself ) a costume party.
BUFF. — ( Maliciously ) And his friends are coming.
ACTOR. — My old friends, yes... And when they arrive...
BUFO. — Whenever they arrive .
ACTOR: — When they arrive...
The siren of a police car or ambulance is heard. Jerónimo enters , dressed as a Boy Scout. His general appearance is that of a child who has just been in an accident: his shirt is stained with blood.
JERÓNIMO. — ( Infinitely sad ) I told you, Pablo. I told you we couldn't go on with such luck. Where were you? Why did you leave me alone? They arrested me, Pablo. We can't go on playing like this. Always playing as if nothing were serious. It had to end someday; and you see, they arrested me. Four of them grabbed me, and they didn't have what you'd call pity? Compassion? No, none of that. They caught me, as you say. On the way out, as always.
BUFFO. — Pull out his teeth; hurry, they'll see us; get out of the way, it's my turn! ( He speaks and acts without Jerome noticing. For Jerome and all the other characters, with the exception of Paul, Bufo barely exists. They know he's there, like an impertinent ghost, but they prefer to ignore him .)
JERÓNIMO. — No, but don't think it was a fair fight; a fight between gentlemen, great heroes, and all that, no. Four of them grabbed me. About three blocks from the school. They covered me with kicks and knowing shouts.
BUFF. — Pull out his teeth; hurry, they'll see us; get out of the way, it's my turn!
ACTOR. — That happened a long time ago...
BUFF. — On the way out.
ACTOR. — And me?
JERÓNIMO. — Where were you?
BUFF. — You fell asleep.
ACTOR. — Asleep?... Am I asleep?
JERÓNIMO. — Nobody told me. It all happened just like that, on the way out, like always. I started walking without waiting for you.
ACTOR. — I fell asleep.
JERÓNIMO. — They caught me between, what, seven of them?
BUFO. — A nightmare.
ACTOR. — A slap of helmets and batons, of calibers and patrol cars. And me? Where was I?
BUFF. — Snoring. You were dreaming about court cases.
ACTOR: — They broke your eyes.
JERÓNIMO. — They took my life away.
BUFF. — I told you so. A nightmare.
JERÓNIMO. — They left me lying in the street, massacred.
ACTOR: — Damn the judiciary!
JERÓNIMO. — Are you crazy? What kind of judges? It was Jáuregui and the others! It was the ones from the third floor B!
BUFF. — Pull out his teeth; hurry, they'll see us; get out of the way, it's my turn!
JERÓNIMO. — And you, where were you? Why didn't you go to school?
ACTOR. — Me? ( Drowsily ) Was I asleep?
JERÓNIMO. — What are you saying?
An alarm sounds. An alarm clock or a school buzzer would be appropriate. Bufo blindfolds Jerome. Pablo puts a gun to his head. A relentless interrogation begins.
ACTOR: — What is your last wish?
JERÓNIMO. — Don't bother me.
ACTOR: — Cigarettes, alcohol, any drugs...?
JERÓNIMO. — Don't fuck with me!
ACTOR: — Did you fail?
JERÓNIMO. — Yes, it was your fault.
ACTOR. — In Sports?
JERÓNIMO. — Yes.
ACTOR. — In Mathematics.
JERÓNIMO. — Yes, it was your fault.
ACTOR. — Always my fault... What is your last wish?
JEROME. — Am I going to die?
ACTOR: — Do you want poison?
JERÓNIMO. — Haven't you seen the others?
ACTOR. — More?
JEROME. — Otherwise.
BUFF. — What's that?
ACTOR. — More?
JEROME. — Otherwise.
BUFF. — Too much too much...
ACTOR: — What's that?
JERÓNIMO. — I don't know. A word?
BUFO. — And what does it mean?
JERÓNIMO. — I don't know.
BUFF. — He doesn't know.
JERÓNIMO. — Not anymore.
ACTOR: — Do you want poison?
JERÓNIMO. — I knew it.
ACTOR: — Poison?
JERÓNIMO. — A glass of water.
Bufo offers him a metal cup.
ACTOR. — ( To Bufo ) Do you have everything?
JERÓNIMO. — ( Looks suspiciously at the contents of the glass ) Thank you... So?... How did it go? What did you do? What does the Theater say?
ACTOR: — I'm rehearsing my new, my latest... I mean, my most recent character: it happened in front of the mirror... What did I tell you?
BUFFALO. — I'm rehearsing my new, my latest... I mean my most recent... ( The Actor forces Buffa into his trunk ) Character!
ACTOR. — It happened!... Suicide... in front of the mirror.
JERÓNIMO. — Oh, yes... I heard you were rehearsing Romeo and Juliet. But that was last year, wasn't it?
ACTOR. — ( He takes the cup from her and acts out a fragment of his version to Romeo, before committing suicide. Bufo emerges from his trunk and helps him act out the scene .) Juliet, why are you still so beautiful? Your eyes are so bright. I will die with you. Let me seal my eternal pact with death with a kiss. (He kisses the cup.) Come, harsh and victorious poison. My body, tired of fighting with life... wants to lose itself in the abyss. Let's toast.
THE ACTOR FALLS DEAD. JERÓNIMO APPLAUDS ENTHUSIASMLY.
JERÓNIMO. — Bravo! Great, maestro! Let me give you a hug! ( They give each other a big hug. Suddenly, Jerónimo gets serious .) But don't do that again, it's bad luck.
ACTOR: — Rehearse in front of the mirror?
JERÓNIMO. — No. Committing suicide in front of the mirror. It's bad luck. They say your soul stays inside, trapped.
ACTOR: — Please, Jerome; I never thought you were superstitious.
JERÓNIMO. — I never have been.
BUFF. — But I insist it's bad luck.
JERÓNIMO. — But I insist it's bad luck.
ACTOR: — I'd better kill myself somewhere else.
BUFO. — The most vital game is approaching!
JERÓNIMO. — What if I kill you instead?
ACTOR. — ( Excited ) Abruptly!
JERÓNIMO. — ( Happy ) Do you remember?...
ACTOR. — When we played in your grandmother's kitchen...
JERÓNIMO. — Sudden death, yes! What were the rules?
BUFO. — Article three!
ACTOR. — Article three, yes! What's more important? The rules of the game...?
JERÓNIMO. — Or the game without rules!
ACTOR. — The game of the broken ruler!
JEROME. — Article mortis!
BUFF. — Mortis mortibus!
JEROME. — Anyone who violates or disobeys these rules will be sentenced to the maximum penalty...
ALL. — SUDDEN DEATH!
The actor takes the gun and fires three shots at Jeronimo, who suddenly falls to the floor. The actor tries to revive him with the help of Bufo.
ACTOR: — Jerome! Jerome, wake up! They just killed the math teacher!
JERÓNIMO. — ( He stands up suddenly ) No, Pablo, no. The math teacher wasn't murdered. He simply threw himself, he threw himself, he fell. He shattered into pieces; it was in the newspaper. Everyone knows that. He threw himself. He shattered into pieces...
ALL. — KILLED HIMSELF!
JERÓNIMO. — ( Assuming the attitude of a math teacher ) Let's see, young people, let's look. Today we will analyze the Theory of Suicide and its main corollaries. Axiom A... ( To the Actor ) Let's see. Say Ahh, please.
ACTOR and BUFO. — Aggh, gahhh, guihuu, gaiiuuu...
JEROME. — Enough! Suicide, as we all know, is a dangerous activity that can lead an individual to various states of alteration. We have, for example, suicides that begin with a disturbance of the pneuma. Likewise, there are those similar to slow death, very similar to those caused by sudden death, but not as much. The difference lies in whether the subject takes themselves too seriously or not. We have Romeo's suicide, with poison, of course. The slow but approximate suicide, which is a variant of sudden death. We have that suicide, that other one... and we also have the in addition.
ACTOR AND BUFO. — Gauuu, gauiii, gaushhh, shiuuuuu, aghh.
JERÓNIMO. — ( To the Actor ) What is your name, young man?
ACTOR. — Pablo.
JERÓNIMO. — ( Indignantly ) Pablo! ( He looks at him attentively ) Pablo, you and I will solve the following equation together. Lie down on the floor. Raise that arm. ( The Actor raises, for example, his left arm ) Not that arm! The other one! ( The Actor raises his right arm ) No, not that one! Raise that arm exactly and not the other. ( The confused Actor raises one arm after another ) Raise it!... Very well. Now, you are going to receive a small gift. ( He gives him a rose. Bufo, in turn, runs to get a bouquet of black roses and places them around the Actor's body ) Repeat after me.
The Actor clumsily repeats each verse while flexing his legs and arms. Jerome covers him with a black cloth like a shroud. Bufo is Jerome's accomplice in this kind of ceremony.
THE ACTOR AND JERÓNIMO. —
I AM DEAD
DEAD WITHOUT DUST
NO IFS AND NO BUTS
DEAD WITHOUT SALT
WITH TEETH AND WITH HAIR
I AM DEAD
SIMPLY
WITHOUT CARE
WITHOUT GLASSES
WITHOUT SUITCASE
I AM DEAD
NAKED
I ALONE
AND WITHOUT SHOES
ACTOR. — ( Groans ) Teacher, can I go to the bathroom!?
JEROME. — ( Continuing with his "lecture" ) Suicide...
ACTOR. — ( Howls ) Maestro!
JEROME. — Silence. Let's solve the following mystery together:
Chapter One: You find yourself at home; alone and distressed; sad, dejected; starved, desolate; hurt and tired; you feel guilty, gagged.
Chapter Two: You run out into the street. You go down the subway stairs. You see the convoy coming. You make up your mind. Everything is orange metal and green light. The convoy is approaching, getting closer and closer faster. You are ready. You see the immense convoy coming...
And at that very moment!...
ACTOR. — What a brute!
JERÓNIMO. — ( Very seriously ) What are you laughing at?
ACTOR. — From the math teacher. That thing about committing suicide on the subway... Haven't you seen the commercial? "Please don't commit suicide on the subway, think about other people's time!"
JERÓNIMO. — ( Icy ) May I ask you a favor?
ACTOR. — ( Jokingly ) From here to the bottom of the drain? What does your IMMINENCE want?
JERÓNIMO. — Could you stop spouting nonsense?
ACTOR. — Excuse me, Professor. I didn't mean to offend you. I... Are you going to fail me?
JERÓNIMO. — Will you shut up? I'm serious.
ACTOR: — What? You don't play like that? Oh yeah. No problem. Don't you want some coffee?
JERÓNIMO. — No, thanks. But I could borrow your phone. It's something you don't care about. It's something you would never care about. It's an urgent call. Can I borrow your phone?
ACTOR. — Of course not...
JERÓNIMO. — No?
ACTOR. — ( Unarmed ) All right. Talk.
Jerome dials an endless phone number. Buffoon and the Actor engage in an unusual card game.
JERÓNIMO. — It's rubbish, everything is rubbish. I'm fed up. Is the game more important than the rules? Poor Pablo. You insist too much, and the game ended a long time ago. Where are you going? Where do you want to go? One day I found myself talking to an insufferable clown. Who changed? Who became a stranger to the other? I'm fed up. I'm not coming back. I'm not going to play anymore.
BUFF. — Three of quinas, two kings, two jacks and a knight... Checkmate.
ACTOR: — And that? What kind of stupid game is this?
BUFF. — A stupid game with no rules. Or what, you don't like them anymore?
Checkmate and sudden death. Cheers!
JERÓNIMO. — But... it seems your phone is suspended. I'd better use a pay phone. I hope you don't mind.
ACTOR: — No, what do you think? I was going to give myself a...
BUFF. — A gunshot.
ACTOR. — A bathroom. I was about to kill myself in the bathroom when you arrived... To get in. So if you'll excuse me...
JERÓNIMO. — Of course.
BUFO. — Veronica will be here soon.
ACTOR. — Besides, Veronica will be here soon.
JEROME. — Who?
ACTOR. — Veronica. Do you know her?
JERÓNIMO. — I'm running late. We'll talk later.
BUFF. — Come on.
ACTOR: — Goodbye. Take care, if you can.
Jerome exits the scene. At that moment, the thunderous crash of a car is heard. Screams and sirens. Bufo and the Actor look at each other in bewilderment. Veronica enters unexpectedly. She is a young woman, but dressed like a child. She is carrying a grocery bag.
VERONICA. — Phew... I'm dead! ( She falls down, struck down. The Actor and Bufo run to comfort her. Veronica suddenly gets up .) There's so much traffic! You have no idea. Terrible traffic. ( Always to the Actor ) What a face! You look like you've been hit. By the way, you don't even know who I just ran into in the elevator: your psychiatrist. What a guy! ( Bufo gives her a glass of water ) How could I not have thought of it! He was just here, right? I can tell. What's he here for? ( She drinks her glass of water while looking at the Actor ) That's why you have that face... But sit down, my love; you're very pale.
ACTOR: — And you? How have you been?
VERONICA. — Look what I bought you! ( Takes a huge book out of her grocery bag .) It's just been published. The translation is rubbish, but the illustrations are dreamy. Plus, it tells you everything you need to know in twenty-nine lessons. You do have to follow the instructions to the letter, but with a little effort...
ACTOR: — Veronica, I'm talking to you. Veronica, how the hell have you been!
VERONICA. — A gem. It includes recipes, crossword puzzles, a daily horoscope, and a pack of various riddles. I paid a fortune, of course, but in the end...
ACTOR: — Damn it, Veronica! Are you going to answer me? How have you been?
Veronica drops the book. Bufo picks it up and reads it peacefully.
Veronica. — ( Shocked ) Okay? Is everything okay?
ACTOR: — Do you need help?
VERONICA. — I'm strong.
ACTOR: — Why do you have sad eyes?
VERONICA. — I am the owner of my actions.
ACTOR. — So you're not a little girl anymore.
VERONICA. — I never have been.
Bufo sits down in a chair. He takes a huge bag of popcorn out of a bag and silently eats it while attentively observing the audience.
ACTOR. — Remember yesterday, when we were alone.
VERONICA. — Yesterday?... Who wants to talk about that?
ACTOR. — Me.
BUFO. — ( Announces ) Solitude! The movie! See it at your favorite theater!
VERONICA. — Yesterday ?... I was alone. I bought a lemon popsicle at the corner store. Yesterday I dreamed I was walking alone down the street; and in my dream someone told me—I don't know who, but they told me they'd seen me buy a lemon popsicle at the corner store.
BUFF. — Solitude! A movie! What a movie!
ACTOR: — It was hot yesterday. I took off my shirt and shoes. It was hot, and I drank a glass of water.
Bufo waters them with a watering can. Then he walks around with an open umbrella.
VERONICA. — I like buying lemon popsicles. They're cold, but they kiss my lips and tongue. I like feeling the emptiness in my stomach when I'm alone, sitting on a park bench, watching people go by.
BUFO. — Learn the moving story of Veronica: a simple mortal in search of Love. Her greatest fantasy?
VERONICA. — Will you come? Will you come to me, knight of the strong arms?
BUFFALOUS. — She doesn't know that soon he will come to her, to her melancholic solitude: The Man!
VERONICA. — A gentleman with warm skin. Handsome and strong.
ACTOR. — Yesterday? I almost forget. Someone said I had to be brave like a bullfighter.
BUFFALO. — Yes, Pablo would soon arrive. A Man who would offer her all his love. All the love he was capable of giving.
VERONICA. — Will you come? Will you come to me?
ACTOR. — And they told me: When you grow up, you'll be vigorous and bold. You'll ride in armor and carry a sword. That's what they said. But no. I'm not blue, never was, much less a prince.
BUFO. — And it happened. The Man and the Woman met. Don't miss it. Solitude. Check your listings.
BUFO. — ( To Veronica ) How did it all go? How did we meet?
VERONICA. — Did it happen like in the theater, like in the movies? It didn't happen like in the movies, right?
ACTOR. — Yes, something like that... of course.
BUFO. — At least it happened in the movies.
ACTOR. — That afternoon I went to the movies.
VERONICA. — That afternoon I went... to the movies.
BUFO. — They went to the movies.
VERONICA. — I sat down in the seat I'd chosen. I looked at the people's faces and saw you. You'd chosen your spot too, quietly. Well, that's one way of putting it.
ACTOR: — You're suggesting I was a scandalmonger.
VERONICA. — I affirm it. You were scandalous.
ACTOR. — ( Cynical ) It was to get your attention.
VERONICA. — I must say you nailed it. I've never seen the movie.
BUFF. — Loneliness!
ACTOR. — ( Admired ) Didn't you see her!?
VERONICA. — Neither do you.
ACTOR. — Of course... I still remember.
VERONICA. — But Pablo! They kicked you out of the cinema!
BUFF. — Because it's outrageous.
ACTOR. — Yeah, right? And you came after me... yelling.
VERONICA. — Don't be vain.
ACTOR: — I'm not vain, but you came after me... clamoring.
VERONICA. — I'm not going to argue.
ACTOR: — And do you remember, on the street?
BUFO. — Do you like musicals?
ACTOR: — I hate them!
VERONICA. — On the street, it was like a fairy tale. Or rather, it was like... Like a...
ACTOR: — A musical comedy?! No, don't even think about it, please!
VERONICA. — I remember I was Ginger Rogers and you... you were...
BUFFALO. — Fred Astaire?
ACTOR. — ( To Bufo ) Anything you want except Fred Astaire!
VERONICA. — You took the words right out of my mouth... you were Fred Astaire.
ACTOR. — He said it... He said it!
Musical comedy music. The characters perform a pink musical comedy.
BUFO. — Hello, very nice legs.
ACTOR. — Hello! Good afternoon.
VERONICA. — Hello! Nice to meet you, very much!
ACTOR: — Where are you going?
BUFO. — Small folds in the most unusual places?
VERONICA. — I was passing by here and I was passing by.
ACTOR : I was waiting for you too, passing by. Did you like the movie?
VERONICA. — Yes. I mean no. I didn't see her.
ACTOR. — Me too. I didn't see it either.
BUFO. — Sweet tensions relieved. Damp sensations. Various smells… Would you like to go with me where we're alone?
VERONICA. — Can I ask you a question?
BUFO. — Do you like oral sex?
ACTOR. — Of course, of course.
BUFF. — Right there, or to the side?
VERONICA. — What did you say your name was?
ACTOR. — Pablo. My name was Pablo. I'm talented, and of course I'm an actor. I'll give you my card later.
VERONICA. — Yeah, well, but what do you do for a living?
BUFF. — Enough! Silence, please silence!
The music and choreography abruptly stop. Verónica falls to the floor, struck dead.
ACTOR: — What's going on!?
BUFFALOUS. — It's terrible... but the worst happened before breakfast, as always. The worst, no more, no less; before breakfast.
ACTOR: — What! What breakfast?
BUFF. — Yours. Wake up your wife. Ask her if she prefers them scrambled or fried.
ACTOR: — But we just met!
BUFF. — Meet? Didn't you live together?
ACTOR: — Are we alive?
BUFF. — Are they alive?
ACTOR. — What?
BUFF. — Yes, that's what I say. They LIVE together... for now. Very well, then, how would you like your breakfast?
ACTOR. — You insist!
BUFF. — Aha! Yes.
ACTOR: — Well, we want him in bed, please.
BUFF. — Sorry, what did you say?
ACTOR. — Breakfast in bed, and quick, please.
BUFF. — Are you dreaming?
ACTOR. — ( Disturbed ) What!?
BUFF. — Never mind, no. I'll see what I can do for you.
BUFO EXITS THE SCENE.
ACTOR. — Veronica? Are you sleeping, Veronica?
VERONICA. — Pablo?
ACTOR. — Yes.
VERONICA. — Are you here? Don't go... Life is too big.
ACTOR: — Don't worry. I'll take care of you.
VERONICA. — ( Pause ) You're wrong, Pablo. I don't like being babysat. ( She stands up, disoriented )
ACTOR. — ( Protector ) Are you cold? Do you want me to lend you a sweater?
VERONICA. — A sweater? ( The Actor hugs her gently .) A warm skin? ( She pushes him away .) Don't touch me.
ACTOR. — You're a girl.
VERONICA. — I am a woman. ( The Actor embraces her again. She says coldly... ) I am strong. ( And she walks away to the mirror. Slowly, she brushes her hair )
Bufo enters with an empty tray.
BUFF. — Tell me, sir. Do you love her?
ACTOR: — Do you want a simple answer?
BUFF. — I want a simple answer. Do you love her?
ACTOR. — Yes.
BUFF. — And her?
ACTOR. — Veronica is selfish.
VERONICA. — How do I start? Yesterday I was alone and they told me:
Don't you want to come?
How to continue? There he was, that curious creature, that outrageous lunatic. His eyes were bright, and he had a surprise in each hand...
And I started to want to love him.
ACTOR. — A decision?
BUFO. — An impossibility.
VERONICA. — Time passed, and I began to remember that desire to love him. And I kept going, and I got lost... And I forgot. I became confused with myself.
I confused my will to love with the beloved himself. I forgot so much that I imagined I truly loved the man with the bright eyes.
I forgot, but then I knew. I found out about myself. I was in love with the image I had created for myself. ( Stops brushing, looks impassively at the Actor )
BUFFET. — No, no, no, no, and no. The truth is simpler and less complicated: Veronica is incapable of giving love, and above all, she is incapable of receiving it. Or what do you think? ( He rushes out, under the Actor's glare .)
ACTOR. — Hey, Vero... Don't you think it's time we had a baby? A baby with my face and yours, like that... mixed together. It would be sensational, wouldn't it? With your face and my face. ( At Veronica's eloquent look ) No, right? It's not a brilliant idea. No.
VERONICA. — ( As if she were alone ) Pablo is deaf. Pablo is a clumsy kitten. And me? I'm leaving.
ACTOR. — With whom, Veronica?
VERONICA. — I'm just leaving, Pablo.
ACTOR. — Are you looking for a hero of a thousand battles?
VERONICA. — Goodbye, Pablo.
ACTOR: — A fantastic hero. He'll kill the dragon. He'll build a castle for you.
VERONICA. — You're an idiot. You'll never change. ( She storms off the scene .)
ACTOR: He 'll build you a tower, and you'll silently love him. Far from him; while he conquers the sea, the dragon of so many waves. A perfect story for you, Veronica; for you, so alone.
Bufo the Balloon Man enters with a great clatter. He carries with him a mysterious brown paper bag, the kind used for sweet bread, but this time the bag contains a water-filled balloon that barely appears to the audience.
BUFFALOUS. — We've been studying you, exciting you, lubricating you, erecting you. We paint you, we extract you, we introduce you, we insert you, we insert you step by step, little by little: the unique, the never-before-seen! It contains you, it reassures you, it mediates you, it accompanies you, it doesn't leave you alone. It belongs to you, it incorporates you, it adheres to you, it sticks to you, it sucks you. You don't try, you don't execute, you have nothing to do, you have nothing but what. You coast, you let yourself go, you sway, you carpet yourself, you cotton yourself. Without commitment, without effort, and without maneuvering... Take it!
ACTOR. — ( Very excited ) And how much does it cost!?
BUFF. — Are you really interested?
ACTOR. — Yes, of course, extremely so!
BUFO. — Because it's for you...
ACTOR. — Yes!?
BUFO. — No. Better not. Sorry, we can't sell it to you.
ACTOR. — ( Indignantly ) Why not!?
BUFF. — ( Mysteriously ) It's dangerous. ( Hugs him ) You know. You know it's no use knowing, much less criticizing. At least here.
ACTOR. — ( Increasingly indignant ) Know what, criticize what? And what do you mean by here?
BUFF. — Criticizing, knowing. It's useless. Like psychoanalysis.
ACTOR: — Hey, no! No one's going to give me a speech!
BUFF. — I told him myself not here. What? Are you mad now?
ACTOR. — ( He restrains himself ) No, you don't think so. ( He thinks ) Listen...
BUFF. — Yes?
ACTOR: — Couldn't you sell me just a little bit?
BUFO. — Sorry, sir, but it's prohibited. At least during business hours.
ACTOR. — ( With the intention of arguing with him ) And why clever?
BUFF. — The work ones, sir. Didn't you have to go to work?
ACTOR. — Oh, the interview!
BUFF. — Between what?
ACTOR: — What an outrage, the interview!
The Actor tidies up the "apartment" very quickly, without much success. He carries the Balloon Man offstage as if he were a piece of furniture. He combs his hair, straightens his hair, and runs to the door. At that moment, the telephone rings. He runs to the phone, but before he gets there, he stops dead in his tracks: he combs his hair again and, very confident, heads for the door. Bufo the Balloon Man enters, carrying balloons for the first time. The Actor, furious, goes to answer the phone, which seems to be ringing louder and louder. Bufo stands motionless in the doorway, like a salesman.
ACTOR. — ( To Bufo ) What can I do for you? ( Bufo doesn't answer ) ( On the phone ) Okay! ( To the static Bufo ) I don't want balloons! ( Aggressively ) Did you hear me? I don't want balloons! ( To himself ) I've never liked balloons. ( He runs furiously towards Bufo, who flees in terror, leaving the door open ) ( On the phone ) Okay! Excuse me, I can hardly hear you. Yes?... Why don't you call again? What's that?... Is it you, Mommy?! Mommy, Mommy; what a surprise! Thanks for talking... Don't tell me, don't you know how old I am?... ( Bufo enters and stealthily places dozens of balloons all over the stage. Bufo, EXCLUSIVELY FOR THE ACTOR'S EYES, is only observable in motion, since when he freezes, he magically becomes invisible ) Why didn't you call me for money?... No, don't exaggerate, no. I've never insulted you. Besides, that was last year... Yes, before your accident... What?... Yes, Mummy; very well... Did my photo appear?... Well, it must be because I'm young, don't you think?... Well, still, yes... Where?... Oh, you can't imagine! A total success! A resounding success, yes!... From Shakespeare... To Romeo... That I play Romeo... Of course it's important! I wish you could come see it... Well, yes; I imagine that in your state... What am I?!... ( Bufo gets so excited about his "package deal" that he reveals his little trick. The Actor seems to be planning an attack strategy ) Give me a moment, okay, Mommy?... I won't be long... Yes, I know it's a long distance, but I won't be long... Yes, I won't be long, eh... ( He runs like a madman after Bufo, but he manages to escape. He locks the door several times and, very annoyed, "continues" his telephone conversation ) Hello!... ( Iracently ) Good afternoon!... No, sir; you're mistaken!... What number did you say you dialed!?... What thing!?... No, sir, I haven't received any advance!... Of course my last name isn't Incháustegui!... Which contract!? Which department!? Are you crazy!?... No, no way!... What?... Well, sue me if you can!... What!?... Look, my name is not Romero, nor do I rent anything, nor... Listen, you don't have to insult me... Montague?... Well, you must be the stupid one and I don't have to tell you my last name... Who?... Oh really? Well, go call your mother! Okay? Okay! Okay... ( Dark. When the lights come on, the Actor remains motionless next to the telephone ) ( Absent ) What a disgrace, the interview! ( Dark again. When the lights come on, the Actor is standing in front of the mirror, he looks distant, weak ) What a disgrace, the interview!
A slow blues is heard. The Actor puts on sunglasses and sits, striking various poses as if modeling in front of a camera. At the back of the stage, we see the arrival of an elevator inside the dressing room apartment. We see the figures of the Fathers-Reporters backlit behind the translucent doors of the device. The elevator opens. The Fathers are dressed like they were in the 1940s. They each carry suitcases. She is pregnant. Upon entering, they carefully search the "apartment."
THE MOTHER. — Do you rent it furnished or unfurnished?
ACTOR. — ( Troubled ) Excuse me...
THE FATHER. — ( Looking at the Actor and then at the apartment ) It's horrible.
THE MOTHER. — Of course it's horrible, that's why they're asking fifty thousand. ( To the Actor ) We saw the ad, young man. We don't have much time to look for a house... Look, if you lend us the furniture... What do you say? We're offering ninety thousand, furniture included.
ACTOR. — Madam, there seems to be a mistake.
THE FATHER. — There's a grave mistake. We shouldn't have come. It's horrible. ( Continues looking at the Actor ) With or without furniture, it's horrible.
ACTOR. — ( To the Father ) Let me explain.
THE FATHER. — Don't bother yourself, young man. We're looking for something better. We're in a hurry, but we're looking for something better. ( To the Mother ) Let's go.
THE MOTHER. — ( To the Father ) No, Pablo, look... it's fine. We removed some furniture, painted, carpeted, and with some plants...
THE FATHER. — You're not joking?
THE MOTHER. — ( To the Actor ) I'm offering you forty thousand. Without furniture, of course. Can you vacate tomorrow?
THE FATHER. — Don't waste the young man's time. ( Looks at the Actor, then at the apartment ) It's horrible. Absolutely horrible. Thank you very much, young man. Don't worry. You'll have someone to help you.
THE MOTHER. — ( To the Father ) Have you decided yet?
THE FATHER. — ( Conclusively ) It's horrible...!
THE MOTHER. — ( Convinced ) Your apartment is very nice, young man; but we're looking for something better. Don't despair, you won't be short of someone.
THE FATHER. — Good afternoon.
THE MOTHER. — Permission.
The Actor appears to be accompanying them to the elevator door, but the Parents suddenly usher him forward and push him inside. They confirm that the elevator is on another floor and take over the apartment. The light changes dramatically: it looks like a sunny day, perfect for a picnic. The Mother spreads a tablecloth on the floor and makes all the preparations for a peculiar picnic. We see the Actor descending, holding onto a rope. During this scene, he will travel from the moment of his birth to his age at the beginning of the play.
THE MOTHER. — ( A bright red ball emerges from her womb. Both parents relate to it, or to the Actor, as if it were a single entity ) Look at him, Pablo. He's your son.
THE FATHER. — So today is this wretch's birthday. And how old is he, huh?
THE MOTHER. — ( Doing the math without much success ) Let me think... in nineteen hundred...five... not in nineteen...
THE FATHER: — What a change... Is that how we left him? Long arms, hands, belly button in its place... More or less tall... And what does he do for a living?
THE MOTHER. — He's an actor, Pablo... I think he appeared in a play by... by Cervantes, yes... It was in the newspaper.
THE FATHER. — And what did it come from?
THE MOTHER. — Romeo, I think... But look at him, look how thin he is. And that face. He probably suffers from insomnia, like you, Pablo; like you... I'm sure of it.
THE FATHER. — You're exaggerating. He's a little thin... well, because he's thin, and not for any other reason.
ACTOR. — Mom, dear mom. Mom, dad. Dad, mom. Mom? Dad?
THE MOTHER. — It's obvious.
THE FATHER. — Not so much.
ACTOR: — Mom, I'm sitting on your tummy; everything is calm and warm. Tell Dad I'm fine. Everything is fizzy and red. I hear a little tam tam, fizzy and red... Tam tam, tam tam...
From this moment on, the Parents play a game that is both infantile and sexual. The Actor becomes an obstacle in the situation, but one they continue to take into account; not without anger, not without resignation.
THE FATHER. — ( Like a secret key to initiate the love-sexual rite ) Twenty-five fifty, number twenty-six.
THE MOTHER. — With one, with two, with three: I'll give you six.
ACTOR. — Dad, dear Dad. Why is everything the way it is, why can't it be any other way?... Mom!
THE MOTHER. — ( Briefly responds to her son's call ) Run, fly, jump. Let's see if you don't get attacked, let's see if you don't get killed.
THE FATHER. — ( Protesting the "little one's" interference ) Go away, I pray, let the devil go, let him go if he came. ( He kisses the Mother intensely ).
ACTOR: — I'm in the water, Dad. Don't go so soon, look how well I can swim! Like a fish, Mom! Am I doing it right? ( He clings to his parents' legs .)
THE FATHER. — ( Annoyed, he throws the "little one" out with a resounding kick to the rear ) I pray heaven and earth... ( Then, he gives him "advice" ) Run over, run under, brake backward, climb the ladder, jump down, now don't jump, stay seated... Jump! Jump!!! ( The Actor, confused by his father's orders, gives a huge leap and remains motionless on the ground ) That's it.
THE MOTHER. — ( Apparently comforting him. Covering him with the tablecloth ) One, two, three. If I catch you, you'll fall asleep; if I catch you, I won't let go, and I'll convince you.
ACTOR. — ( To the Father, seeing him take his bags and try to leave ) Are you leaving again, Dad? Have a good trip, have fun!
THE MOTHER. — ( Leaves the "child" and joins the Father ) Columbus passed through here, and he might as well have taken a plane. ( They take a "trip" across the stage )
ACTOR. — ( Playing alone ) One, two, three... Two steps, two. Very good. Am I doing it right? No, not you. You less. You neither. One, two, three. Two times two is three, two and three is six. Am I doing it right? No, not you. You less. You neither.
THE PARENTS RETURN FROM THE "TRIP"
THE MOTHER. — ( To the Actor ) Let's see, let's see. A little smile, two, three little smiles.
THE FATHER. — Laugh, you bastard. Come on, smile... Smile... I'm going to break your teeth.
THE MOTHER. — ( "Affectionate" ) What are you laughing at, you little idiot? Let's see, a little smile, like that, like that. What a little idiot, what a fool! ( The Mother stops playing with the Actor, flirts with the Father with another false riddle, starting the flirting-rejection once more ) Does he run, curl up, jump, and come outside?...
THE FATHER. — Do you want me to answer you the other way around? ( They chase each other again, finally lifting the tablecloth and continuing the sexual game on an instant, vertical bed—the tablecloth—that only reveals the parents' faces .)
ACTOR: — I'm flying, I breathe. I fly and I rise when I want. ( "Gets into bed" with his parents ) Are you asleep, Dad? Aren't you going to hit me today? Aren't you either, Mom? ( Gets out of bed ) My parents don't hit, my parents don't hit me. So why does it hurt, why does it hurt so much?
The Parents leave the sheet and pay full attention to the Actor.
THE FATHER. — What do you mean it hurts... and why does it hurt? Explain yourself!
THE MOTHER. — Leave him, Pablo. Let him get used to it, let him get used to it.
THE FATHER. — And then he blames us? No way!
THE MOTHER. — ( Surprised ) Blame?... Blame for what?
ACTOR. — ( His Father, affectionately brusque, leads the Actor to the mirror, and affectionately brusquely takes off his shirt and washes his ears .) I have my mother's nose and my uncle's ears. I have my grandfather's eyebrows, my father's neck... The shoulders and the feet are mine.
THE MOTHER. — ( Moved ) Look at him, Pablo; he's your son!
THE FATHER. — ( Grumbling ) And yours too.
THE MOTHER. — ( Excited ) I'm a mother!
THE FATHER. — So what? I say it too: I'm the father! So what?
THE MOTHER. — It's not the same, it's not the same.
THE FATHER. — ( Throwing the "child" out of the discussion ) Who says!?
THE MOTHER. — Don't bother me!
ACTOR. — ( Suddenly regaining his true age ) Good afternoon.
THE PARENTS. — ( Neither of them willing to make peace ) Good afternoon!
ACTOR: — Are you my parents?
THE FATHER. — Everything seems to indicate that, yes!
THE MOTHER. — There seems to be no doubt about it, no!
ACTOR: — Where did you learn to lie? You're too young!
THE FATHER. — ( To the mother. Reluctantly conciliatory ) Should you tell him?... Or better yet, we shouldn't tell him anything at all.
ACTOR: — Besides, my parents are dead, they died a long time ago... Who are they trying to fool?
THE MOTHER. — ( To the Father ) It's our last chance... ( To the Actor ) Pablito, son. Your father and I have a surprise for you.
ACTOR. — ( Again childishly ) Really?
THE FATHER. — Really, really... Yes, Pablito. Your mom and I are going on a trip.
THE MOTHER. — ( Sweetly ) It is a very long journey, yes... Very, very long.
THE FATHER. — But you shouldn't worry, Pablo. You'll make mistakes sometimes, but in the end you'll reach the goal we all yearn for.
THE MOTHER. — If you need anything, don't even think about us.
THE FATHER. — In any case, behave as best you can.
ACTOR. — ( Says goodbye, affectionately ) Thank you, gentlemen. Thank you for everything. It was a pleasure meeting you. Have a safe trip... ( The parents leave with the elevator and all ) Have fun... ( Reflects ) Thank you? ( And shrugs )
The Actor happily puts on some music; suddenly, the sound begins to fail, and a jumble of sounds is heard: an alarm siren and some music reminiscent of Warner Brothers cartoons. Bufo enters, dancing gracefully, dressed as Bugs Bunny in one of his female impersonations. The Actor plays chase after him as if he were the wrathful Sam Whiskers...
BUFF. — Come night; come, Romeo. You who are the day in the midst of this night. You who in the darkness are a snowflake on the raven's black wings. Come, night, friend of madness, and bring me my Romeo... Well, it goes something like this. What do you think? Do you like the costume I chose for your party? I've titled it: Juliet Capulet Refuses to Come Out on Her Balcony. How do you see it?
ACTOR: — Who told you you're my guest? Why won't you leave me alone!
BUFF. — All right, I won't be Juliet anymore. Look closely and tell me what you see now.
He takes off his Juliet costume and is left almost naked, with a huge and comical diaper.
ACTOR: — Let me guess... it looks something like a... Like a baby's costume?
BUFF. — Exactly. What if I take off my diaper? Let's see what happens.
ACTOR: — No! Better not. We don't want you to catch a cold.
BUFO. — It’s always better to be covered, isn’t it?
ACTOR. — Please...
BUFO. — Always in disguise, it's the best.
ACTOR. — I didn't say that.
BUFO. — What's the best costume ever?
ACTOR: — For a party? Well, the one from...
BUFO. — Not just for a party... A costume for any occasion? Or a costume for any occasion? Which do you prefer?
ACTOR. — Well, I... I don't know.
BUFFALOUS. — Or don't you prefer any? No costume for any occasion?
ACTOR. — Yes, I guess that's better.
BUFF. — Sure, all right. I'm going to take mine off. ( Tries to take it off .)
ACTOR. — No!
BUFF. — What are we talking about... does it bother you to see a baby without a diaper?
ACTOR: — You're not exactly a child.
BUFF. — No? Then what am I... A gnome?
ACTOR: — Well, if you ask my opinion, I'll tell you that you're a... You're a... immature person!
BUFF. — Of course I am. I'm the most immature part of... Whose?... Pablo, right? Well, yes, being an adult takes a lot of time. In any case, you're there for all the adultery and adulting. And just because you are, doesn't mean you aren't.
ACTOR: — What are you talking about?
BUFF. — You're the adult.
ACTOR. — Me? I'm too young.
BUFF. — Do you think so? Well, even though you're dressed like that, you're an adult. A little extravagant, like children. But you're an adult.
ACTOR. — Yes, I suppose so.
BUFFALOUS: But don't worry, that doesn't mean you can't play. It'll be a harder game, because it's a serious game. The game, if you want it, will still be more important than the rules.
ACTOR: — Don't all adults play?
BUFFALOUS. — Not all of them. Some are too busy maintaining the one costume they've allowed themselves to choose. Others have fun with thousands and thousands of costumes, because they know they're just that... Shall I tell you? Costumes.
ACTOR: — And we always choose one?
BUFF. — One or more. It doesn't matter. What would be interesting is to meet the one who's naked, under any disguise. Let me show you. ( He tries to remove his "disguise" once more ).
ACTOR. — No way!
BUFF. — ( Speech ) You see? When you want to be authentic, they won't let you. When you want to express yourself without losing your form, the purest form. Not the one others say is best or indispensable...
ACTOR. — Listen, Professor, don't you think that's been a lot of speeches?
BUFF. — Who told you I was a Professor? In any case, I would be your Governess, because I am Juliet, Juliet Capulet no less... ( Tries to put on her Juliet costume ) My costume is divine, don't you think?
ACTOR. — ( Leads him to the door ) You're wrong about that, my dear Governess. I already told you I never invited you.
BUFF. — That doesn't matter in the slightest. I'm here when needed... Hadn't you noticed?
ACTOR. — Get out!
BUFF. — Don't get angry, just look at the face you're going to make when you greet your guests...
ACTOR. — What, now!?
BUFF. — Look out the window.
The sound of the siren is now extremely intense and is immediately followed by a distorted wedding march. Bufo disappears from the scene at the same time that a window descends onto the stage; the Actor leans out and waves effusive greetings. We see Veronica and Jerome coming from somewhere, "disguised" as newlyweds.
ACTOR. — Here it is!
The Bride, mounted on Jerome's shoulders, drags a huge veil that flows from her head and ends several meters behind in the hands of the hurried Buffoon. The Actor places the mirror-door on the floor and waits smilingly for the guests to pass through. Finally, the Bride and Groom take their seats, profoundly ignoring the Actor, who, despite everything, charmingly approaches them to greet them. Everyone freezes in a wedding composition, and Buffoon emerges from this group and takes a photo of them. He then takes another photo of the audience and speaks alternately to the audience and the other characters.
BUFFALOUS. — Smile, please smile! It's not mandatory, but smiling is perhaps the only remedy... sometimes. Welcome! I could say I'm glad you're here tonight, but that's okay. I hope you enjoy yourselves, have a good time, and do your best. This is the costume party!... Welcome !
Take another picture and everyone unfreezes.
ACTOR. — ( To the couple ) But why didn't you tell me? When did it happen?
VERONICA. — ( In ecstasy ) An event, of course. The guests, the music, the chrysanthemums... Everything in its place, its spot. As usual, as is natural.
BUFF. — And as is natural in these cases, the final question was heard over the microphone: ( Priestly ) Do you agree to join your lives for centuries, and centuries, and centuries... possible? Do you agree?
THE COUPLE. — Yes!
BUFF. — So be it. Then... I pronounce you. Kiss!
The couple kisses.
ACTOR: — How inconsiderate!
THE COUPLE. — What what?
ACTOR: — Why didn't they tell me?
JERÓNIMO. — ( Annoyed ) We didn't have your address!
VERONICA. — ( Hostile ) Not even your phone number!
JERÓNIMO. — They told us you were angry with us!
VERONICA. — You went on a trip!
JERÓNIMO. — You shot yourself in the head!
VERONICA. — You cut your wrists!
THE COUPLE. — They told us you were dead!
Dark. When the lights come back on, the Actor places the mirrored door in front of the Bride and Groom, who walk through it charmingly. The atmosphere is one of joy and social charm.
BUFO. — Let's begin!
ACTOR. — ( Happy ) I'm so glad, I'm so glad you came! You don't know, you don't know how glad I am! What do you want to drink? It's not the same old thing, is it?
BUFO. — Because business as usual is over.
JERÓNIMO. — ( Hugs and kisses the Actor ) Pablo, congratulations! You haven't changed at all!
VERONICA. — ( She also hugs and kisses him ) You look just the same, just like always... Congratulations!
ACTOR. — ( He hugs and kisses his guests again ) Veronica, thank you so much! Jerome, thank you, Maestro! Thank you for coming to my birthday party!
JERÓNIMO. — ( Amazed ) Is it your birthday?
VERONICA. — ( Confused ) ...I didn't know.
ACTOR. — It doesn't matter, no. In any case, my birthday has already passed, because today is ( Checks Jeronimo's watch ) Monday and my birthday was yesterday, Sunday.
JERÓNIMO. — No, no, no. You're wrong, Pablo. Today is Tuesday.
ACTOR: — No, Jerome... I'm speaking strictly as you like. It's already past midnight. Today is Monday, and tomorrow is Tuesday.
BUFO. — Strictly speaking, of course. Today is Monday; a few minutes ago it was Sunday.
JERÓNIMO. — Today is Tuesday.
VERONICA. — Oh, Jerónimo! Don't you know what day it is? Pablo just told you... Today is Monday.
JERÓNIMO. — No, no. Today is Tuesday, of course it's Tuesday...
ALL. — No, no, and no.
JERÓNIMO. — So what day is it today, according to you?
VERONICA. — Why do you ask?
ACTOR. — Yes, why do you do it?
BUFF. — Why?
JERÓNIMO. — Well, okay!... Just curious?
VERONICA. — Well, let me tell you, you're a fool, Jerónimo. Today is just another Monday.
JERÓNIMO. — Are you crazy? Yesterday was Monday. Sunday night was the wedding, remember. And the following night, that is, Monday, that is, yesterday, we went on our honeymoon. Logically, today is Tuesday.
BUFF. — How romantic! So in love.
VERONICA. — In Love for Two, yes.
ACTOR: — On your honeymoon? But then... what are you doing here?
VERONICA. — Yes, Pablo... we went to the Old World... ( To Jerónimo ) As you say!
JERÓNIMO. — I never said that!
VERONICA. — How annoying!
JEROME. — How I adore you!
VERONICA. — Idiot!... ( To the Actor ) That's right, Pablo. We left by plane and everything... I always suggested the boat... Just to be safe, of course... But anyway, we left by plane. According to this, there were no stops; right, Jerónimo? But you see, we had a fatally forced stopover... ( As a resounding conclusion ) Well then, today is Tuesday.
JERÓNIMO. — ( Affectionately ) See, Pablo? It was your birthday the day before Sunday! Let me give you a hug! Happy birthday! ( He walks away and dances with Verónica .)
ACTOR. — Thank you!?
BUFFALO. — ( Hugs the Actor ) I'm so sorry.
JERÓNIMO. — Let the bride and groom dance, let the bride and groom dance!
The sound of an airplane in mid-flight is heard. The Actor is wrapped, along with a buffoon, in the bride's enormous veil. Suddenly, the couple stops dancing and stares at the audience, smiling strangely.
VERONICA. — ( She glances at Jerónimo knowingly .) It's a shame, Pablo, but we're in a hurry, in a big hurry.
JERÓNIMO. — Yes, we're leaving now, Pablo.
ACTOR: — It can't be, but we've just started!
BUFO. — And it's not just the beginning, no!
VERONICA.- Look, Pablo, don't be offended, but we were invited to a party.
ACTOR. — ( He convulses with laughter and falls to the floor ) What? It's not possible! It can't be true! ( He faints ).
VERONICA. — Why do you doubt it? We were invited to a costume party at Pablo's house.
JERÓNIMO. — Do you remember Pablo? The actor! Do you remember, Pablo!
THE COUPLE. — Pablo! Pablo!! PABLO!!!
The phone rings repeatedly. The lighting changes , and we see, at least in ambiance, Verónica and Jerónimo's house just as they're making final preparations for their wedding.
BUFO. — ( Hands the phone to Veronica ) It's for you.
VERONICA. — ( Holds the phone, not deciding whether to answer ) Something terrible just happened, I'm sure!
JERÓNIMO. — They'll hang up on you if you don't answer.
VERONICA. — I've been through this before. It's horrible, someone just died!
JEROME. — You must have dreamed it, let me answer.
VERONICA. — ( Troubled, restrained ) Jerome!
JERÓNIMO. — ( Afraid, but excited by being afraid ) What...
VERONICA. — It's a warning!
JERÓNIMO. — Yes?
VERONICA. — A man looks at himself in the mirror. He's holding a… a… a…
JERÓNIMO.— (Very excited) A gun!
VERONICA. — Yes... a vision: the man points toward his image; and in an instant... a sharp scream, and without anyone intervening, Death arrives.
BUFF. — ( He takes the phone from Veronica and gives it to Jerónimo ) Is it for you, or for you?
JEROME. — Death?
BUFF. — If you don't answer him, he'll get angry.
VERONICA. — ( Picks up the phone again ) Who's speaking?
BUFF. — ( Takes a phone out of a pocket in his wardrobe ) Guess who?
VERONICA. — I'm not in the mood for jokes. Who are you?
JERÓNIMO. — What happened!?
BUFF. — Has it been a long time, Veronica? How's Jerome? Can't you guess yet?
VERONICA. — It's possible... How have you been?
JERÓNIMO. — Who is it?
BUFF. — I hope I'm not being inappropriate.
VERONICA. — A party?
BUFF. — Tonight, tell Verónimo too.
VERONICA. — ( To Jerónimo ) They're talking to you.
JERÓNIMO. — Who died?
VERONICA. — Don't be an idiot, this is Pablo speaking.
JERÓNIMO. — Which Paul?
VERONICA. — Which do you think?
JERÓNIMO. — Pablo!? It can't be... Pablo is quite dead!
VERONICA. — Well, he says he's inviting us to his house tonight—today, of all days.
JERÓNIMO. — Today!? We can't.
VERONICA. — Of course we can't... What if we invite him?
JERÓNIMO. — What if he ruins our wedding? You know Pablo; he's capable of getting up on the pulpit and officiating at Mass.
VERONICA. — We'd better invite him to the toast... Or, I know, we'd better not tell him anything: after all, Pablo was our best friend.
JERÓNIMO. — It's a shame that he... That he did that stupid thing.
VERONICA. — It was in very bad taste. You'd better hang up on him.
JERÓNIMO. — Yes.
Dark. When the light comes on, we see the figure of a huge airplane with a door and opening windows. Bufo waits by the door to receive the tickets. Veronica and Jerome, amid kisses, cuddles, and suitcases, prepare to board the plane. The Actor wakes up and, very happy, goes to the newlyweds and says...
ACTOR. — Hey, do you like my costume? ( The couple "enters" the "plane ") Hey!
BUFF. — Don't bother them, can't you see they're on their honeymoon?
ACTOR: — Will you leave me alone?! ( Jeronimo and Veronica look out of each window ) Hey, do you like my costume? It's very pretty.
VERONICA. — Yes, Pablo... very original. I've always wanted one like that.
JERÓNIMO. — Why don't you go play for a while?
BUFF. — I told you so.
The sound of the plane taking off is heard. Bufo sits at one of the windows. The Couple blows kisses to each other from each window. The Actor plays like a child with a model airplane.
JERÓNIMO.— Have you seen Pablo, Vero?... I always knew the day would come when... poor thing.
JERÓNIMO. — Yes. I never imagined Pablo would go so far as to... take his own life. I still can't accept it.
BUFF. — No...! The barbarian took his own life, what's up?
JERÓNIMO. — Of course. Everyone knows. He committed suicide, didn't he, Vero?
VERONICA. — But of course he committed suicide. Or not?
BUFF. — So what, or what? Or what, or what?
JERÓNIMO. — I say that... Yes, right?
VERONICA. — Oh, well, I'm not sure anymore... Why don't we ask him? Or is it better not to?
JERÓNIMO. — Hey, Pablo...
VERONICA. — Pablo!
ALL. — PABLOOO!
DARK. THEN, ONLY A TOP-VIEW OF THE ACTOR.
ACTOR: — Pablo? The other day I was talking to him, and he told me I was dead, that I'd shot myself. That's why I told him: you're wrong, Pablo; I'm not dead. I only imagined, a mere fantasy, of course, that if I tried to commit suicide... they, the others, would think I was dead. And I tried, and I imagined they thought I was dead. It wasn't true, no. I didn't die, but they thought it. The truth, Pablo, is that they did die. They went to the Old World... Or is it called the Other World? Well, I don't know entirely, Pablo... I swear I don't know if I thought it or if it's true... Did they really die? Eh, Pablo? They went far from this world. Or... what do you say? Old or Other?... World, yes, but I don't know anymore, I don't know anything, Pablo.
The stage lights up. Veronica, Jerome, and Bufo surround the Actor. The plane has left the scene.
VERONICA. — To the Other World, Pablo... An accident, oh yes. But don't tell me you didn't know?
ACTOR. — No, not much.
VERONICA. — It was terrifying, you can imagine.
ACTOR. — Horrible, isn't it?
BUFF. — Horrid, yes... I suppose.
JERÓNIMO. — A mechanical failure; at about ten thousand feet. They're called feet, aren't they, Vero?
VERONICA. — Your feet?
JERÓNIMO. — Anyway... let me tell you, Pablo, despite the seatbelt, and the advice from the Control Tower to the Captain, and the advice from the Stewardess to the Captain, the Copilot, and the passengers... Despite all the advice we all gave each other... well, bang, despite everything: the plane went down. Bang!
VERONICA. — But what kind of world do you live in, Pablo, if everyone knows... it was in the newspaper.
BUFF. — He doesn't buy the newspaper.
ACTOR: — Why don't you shut up and serve dinner... You're staying for dinner, aren't you?
BUFF. — What do you gentlemen wish to order?
VERONICA. — An appetizer, please!
JERÓNIMO. — Let there be two!
BUFO. — There are two Honeymoon appetizers... And you, what are you having?
ACTOR. — What do you mean, you? Please... set the table and bring me...
BUFF. — Don't tell me... Another appetizer! Sorry!... One appetizer from you, please! Out you go!
The Actor and his guests stand and stare at the floor, the "ceiling," or wherever they can, tense because of the sudden silence.
JERÓNIMO. — ( Breaking the silence ) Verónica, did you know that Pablo and I have known each other since we were ( he points with his fingers at a very small height ) like...? Childhood friends, yes... Did you know that?
VERONICA. — What do you think?
JERÓNIMO. — Did I already tell you?
BUFF. — ( Enters with the table and dinner, the other characters squat around ) Pablo told him.
ACTOR. — I told him so.
VERONICA. — He told me.
BUFF. — What questions, Jerónimo... Pablo and Verónica lived together.
JERÓNIMO. — Of course.
ACTOR. — It’s been a long time, hasn’t it, Veronica?
VERONICA. — ( She speaks as if the Actor were absent, but staring into his eyes ) Poor Pablo... I remember his gaze very well: distant, absent, obsessive...
BUFF. — ( While serving an unusual dinner ) And it was then that you began to notice this curious attitude; this kind of custom... How, how to describe it?
VERONICA. — Unusual?
JERÓNIMO. — Extravagant?
VERONICA. — Very unusual!
JERÓNIMO. — Unacceptable!
ACTOR. — In... Innn...
VERONICA. — A curious attitude. The psychoanalysts got bored, their psychiatrist changed his vocation... ( suddenly listening to him ) Do you remember, Pablo? I think he used to sell Bibles door to door. Once he tried to sell us one. Everyone got tired of it, except Pablo... Hey Pablo, then why did that happen...
ACTOR. — What is that, Vero?
VERONICA. — That... the suicide thing. You did commit suicide, didn't you?
ACTOR. — Oh, Vero... you must have dreamed it.
JERÓNIMO. — No, Pablo... I knew it too... you shot yourself.
ACTOR. — ( Troubled ) They must have dreamed it, I'm sure.
JERÓNIMO. — Of course.
SILENCE.
VERONICA. — And...
JEROME. — And...
VERONICA. — Are you still at the Theater, Pablo?
ACTOR. — Yes, of course. I hope they see me. These are the last performances.
VERONICA. — But we already know the play, Pablo: Romeo and Juliet, right? Remember you lent me the book.
ACTOR. — The book, Veronica? It's not the same.
JERÓNIMO. — What's the difference?
DARK. THEN, WE SEE ONLY THE ACTOR ON A SWING.
ACTOR. — Every now and then I wake up not knowing what's happening, and I get up and shower and have breakfast. Every now and then I have a coffee; slowly, and I think and get confused and still don't know... I don't really know if what I'm experiencing is an invention, or a dream, or a memory. Sometimes life passes while I'm drinking coffee, slowly... In a desire, in a memory, in a coming and going of invention. Sometimes I think that's what life is: a coming and going of desires, a coming and going of memories... But in an instant everything gets confused and I find myself, amazed, simply drinking coffee, nothing more. I discover that it's me; that I'm living. Looking at a cup of coffee. ( He gets off the swing and watches it disappear .)
Light. Bufo enters, throwing streamers and confetti at the guests.
BUFF. — Did someone say coffee? We have coffee or dessert, which would you prefer?
VERONICA. — I think we'd better go.
BUFF. — Are they leaving already?
JERÓNIMO. — Yes, we have to get up early tomorrow.
ACTOR: — Tomorrow? But you're... I thought you had...
VERONICA. — Dead, Pablo, it's dead. I never thought it would be so difficult.
JERÓNIMO. — Very difficult. You can't imagine all the work we have left to do: paperwork and paperwork and more paperwork.
VERONICA. — ( Annoyed ) Goodbye, Pablo. I was so glad to know you're okay.
ACTOR: — Thank you for coming.
JERÓNIMO. — I wish we could visit you again.
VERONICA. — Too bad that's impossible.
BUFO. — Listen, and you're not going to congratulate him.
THE COUPLE. — Again!
BUFF. — Well, but they haven't given him his present.
JERÓNIMO. — It's not supposed to be mandatory. Besides, his birthday was... Tuesday?
ACTOR: — No problem, Jeronimo. Of course it's not mandatory. And let me tell you, let me tell everyone that...
VERONICA. — What!
ACTOR. — I've been thinking about it a lot today and I've come to the conclusion...
JERÓNIMO. — Just say it.
ACTOR: — Well, I have something much better than a gift.
JERÓNIMO. — Anything better than a gift? It can't be.
VERONICA. — No, what could be better than a gift?
JERÓNIMO. — Nothing. No.
ACTOR. — Well, yes. I have a... It's a... it's something like... Do you want to see it?
BUFF. — Don't tell me you remembered, Pablo. You're finally going to let go of your... your something resembling... ( Hugs him ) Congratulations! I haven't worked in vain.
ACTOR. — I'll show it to you right now. ( The Actor begins to search .) Just let me find it. Where could it be?
JERÓNIMO. — We're in a hurry, otherwise we'd be happy to stay and see him.
VERONICA. — Yes; goodbye, Pablo. We can't stay any longer. We're going to be very busy tomorrow.
JERÓNIMO. — We have responsibilities. Many.
BUFF. — But what? Aren't you going to stay and watch his, his something like that?...
THE COUPLE. — Something like what?!
ACTOR: — It must be somewhere. ( He continues searching, increasingly worried .) You didn't see it... I can't have lost it.
The lights dim. The Actor begins searching with a flashlight, and the Couple follows him, somewhat reluctantly, but intrigued to discover the "something like." Bufo, walking further behind, seems worried. Then he separates from the group and watches with amusement. Finally, the Couple separates from the Actor and heads, in the darkness, toward the exit. Bufo intervenes and dazzles them with a camera flash. The light suddenly reaches its maximum intensity.
BUFF. — ( Assumes a tone similar to that of a detective story ) Excuse me, did you miss something?
THE COUPLE. — ( They adopt the same detective tone )...Us?
BUFF. — You guys?... You were just leaving. See you later.
ACTOR: — What's up!
BUFF. — They want to escape, they want to steal your... your something like...
VERONICA. — Hey, don't be impertinent!
ACTOR: — So it was you, where did you hide it?
JERÓNIMO. — What are you talking about, Pablo? We don't even know what it is.
BUFF. — Give it to them now, it won't do you any good!
VERONICA. — ( Questioning her innocence ) And how do you know...? Does it... work for you?
JEROME. — Answer!
BUFF. — ( Suddenly feeling accused ) Me? Of course... That doesn't matter to them.
VERONICA. — Aha...! Don't look for him anymore, Pablo. I know who has him.
JEROME. — Here it is...
VERONICA. — The guilty one.
ACTOR: — How could I not have thought of that before? It had to have been you. Where is it?
BUFF. — Don't you remember? You never liked him, you locked him up yourself, Pablo... Are you going to let him out?
The couple tries to leave without being seen.
ACTOR. — Did I lock him up? ( Thinks ) Yes, that may be true. But it was like that, without me realizing it. Or without me wanting to realize it. ( Stopping the couple in their tracks ) Are you going to leave without knowing him?
BUFF. — Are you going to let him go?
JERÓNIMO. — He's alive!?
The Actor goes to the trunk and hugs it affectionately.
ACTOR. — Of course he's still alive.
VERONICA — I've never liked riddles. It's probably a dog, poor thing, it's going to suffocate.
JERÓNIMO. — It's a dog, we'd have heard about it. It must be something terrifying, just imagine: something like... Whatever it is, Pablo! It must be something sinister.
VERONICA. — ( Scared ) Do you think so?
JERÓNIMO. — I'm sure.
VERONICA. — Please, let's go!
JERÓNIMO. — And are we going to be left with doubt?
VERONICA. — Look, my love. I don't know about you, but I'm not going to spend my life being a ghost.
JERÓNIMO. — But the sun hasn't risen yet, Vero.
VERONICA. — I'm serious.
JERÓNIMO. — You're right; I've lost my mind, my life.
VERONICA. — Goodbye, Pablo!
JERÓNIMO. — We're running out of time!
The Couple is illuminated by a zenithal light that slowly decreases in intensity until it disappears completely at the end of the work.
BUFF. — Don't leave without meeting him, come closer. I assure you he doesn't bite, although sometimes... well... What do you think, Pablo?
ACTOR — Yes, I must admit that sometimes he feels like exploding. That's why he was locked away, out of pure fear of the world, pure fear of growing and growing without knowing how to do it without bursting or losing his original, authentic form.
BUFF. — Well, it seems your guests haven't had the pleasure. Let it out now.
ACTOR: — Wait, I want to prepare well because his visit will be very brief. We'll see him walk away, ready for the first time to be the master of his own flight. Come on, get out of there, don't be shy, jump right now!
The Actor opens the trunk lid... From the bottom we see a beautiful
and simple balloon.
Mexico City
® Copyright in SOGEM
Benjamin Gavarre Silva
