The Bargain with the Fiend (Writer's Cut) A Comedy in One Act (and Several Modern Annoyances)

 

The Bargain with the Fiend (Writer's Cut)

A Comedy in One Act (and Several Modern Annoyances)

by Ben GAVARRE

Characters:

 * Eleanor Ainsworth (formerly a struggling playwright): A sharp-witted writer in her late 30s, accused of witchcraft due to her unconventional plays and independent spirit. She's weary of the constant scrutiny and limitations placed upon her.

 * Nick (formerly Mephistopheles): Of indeterminate age. He sports a sharply tailored, though slightly outdated, doublet and hose, with an air of theatrical flair. He speaks with a mix of Elizabethan English and modern business jargon. Charismatic, charming, and utterly terrifying.

 * William Shakespeare (the Analyst): In his early 50s. A renowned playwright with a keen understanding of human nature and a surprisingly modern approach to analyzing the human condition. He carries a well-worn notebook and quill.

 * Brynhild (the Muse): A powerful Valkyrie, appearing in shining armour, though occasionally sighing with boredom at earthly affairs. Only Eleanor and Shakespeare can fully perceive her supernatural nature.

 * Lady Beatrice (formerly a disapproving noblewoman): A woman of society in her early 30s, known for her beauty and sharp tongue, though not easily impressed by superficial charm.

 * Professor Davies (the Modern Scholar): A bewildered professor of Dramatic Literature, prone to misinterpretations.

 * Students (Chorus): A couple of university students, looking confused.

SCENE 1

Setting: A secluded part of a forest, rumored to be a place of witchcraft. Late afternoon.

Eleanor laments her stifled creativity and unjust accusations. Nick appears suddenly, adjusting his ruffled collar.

NICK: The soul, good mistress, is a most underperforming asset. Nick, at your service – Acquisitions of Spirit and Advancement of Potential, that’s my purview.

ELEANOR: (Startled) Who are you? Some kind of… forest sprite?

NICK: Think of me as a patron of the arts, a fallen investor, if you will. In exchange for a certain… intangible commodity, I offer you the world: acclaim for your plays, the wit to silence your critics, the very quill of inspiration itself.

ELEANOR: And the catch?

NICK: A simple contract. A handshake will suffice. No parchment, no tedious scribbling.

(They shake hands. Eleanor feels a strange jolt.)

ELEANOR: I feel… strangely invigorated, and yet vaguely sticky.

NICK: Welcome to the premium version of yourself! Now, to our first investment: let us repair to the nearest tavern. You need to network.

SCENE 2

Setting: Shakespeare's study – cluttered with books and manuscripts.

Eleanor, still slightly dazed, recounts her encounter to Shakespeare. Nick hovers invisibly nearby, rolling his eyes.

SHAKESPEARE: So, Mistress Ainsworth, if I understand aright, you have entered into a “business arrangement” with a fellow claiming to be an “acquirer of spirits”?

ELEANOR: Aye, Master Shakespeare! And it works! Ideas flow like ale at a festival. I penned a sonnet and outlined a new tragedy before breakfast! And at the tavern, I met Lady Beatrice. This… Nick… whispered the most persuasive words, and she actually laughed at my rather weak jest about a toothache. I believe she took a liking to me!

SHAKESPEARE: (Raising an eyebrow) And do you not consider that this “Nick” might be a figment of your imagination? A personification of the very confidence you have long sought? A touch of melancholy turned… manic, perhaps?

ELEANOR: Nay, good sir! He is real enough. He smells faintly of brimstone and expensive pomade. When I complained of the local gossip, he suggested we “reframe the narrative” regarding those who spread it. It is the Devil himself, Master Shakespeare!

SHAKESPEARE: My dear Eleanor, in matters of the human mind, we tend to avoid such… theological diagnoses. Let us consider this a… dissociative coping mechanism. Now, tell me more of this “intangible commodity” and the termination clause… Have you experienced any… unusual urges?

(Suddenly, visible only to Eleanor and Shakespeare, Brynhild appears, leaning against a bookshelf, looking slightly bored.)

BRYNHILD (V.O.): (To Shakespeare and Eleanor) Another mortal making deals with the underworld. Honestly, they never learn. At least this one has some spark.

NICK (V.O.): (To Brynhild) Oh, look who it is. The drama queen of Valhalla. Here to offer some thunderous platitudes?

ELEANOR: (To Shakespeare) I see… a rather imposing woman in armour… glaring at something I cannot perceive.

SHAKESPEARE: (Calmly) Indeed? Perhaps it is a… manifestation of your inner strength, Eleanor. Now, about these urges…

SCENE 3

Setting: A bustling tavern.

Eleanor and Lady Beatrice are talking and laughing. Nick hovers, prompting Eleanor. Brynhild observes with a detached air.

NICK (V.O.): Tell her her beauty eclipses the stars! Lay it on thick!

ELEANOR: (To Lady Beatrice) My lady, your… countenance… possesses a certain… stellar quality.

LADY BEATRICE: (Looking slightly bewildered) Good heavens, Eleanor, are you feeling quite well? You’ve been reading too much Marlowe, I fear.

NICK (V.O.): Abort mission! She’s losing interest! Initiate Plan B! The spilled wine gambit!

ELEANOR: I am not spilling wine on her.

(Nick snaps his fingers. A clumsy serving wench promptly trips and spills a tankard of ale over a nearby patron, creating a minor commotion.)

BRYNHILD (V.O.): (Sighing) Amateurs. Such crude tactics. A true enchantment requires finesse.

SCENE 4

Setting: Shakespeare's study.

Eleanor is more thoughtful. Shakespeare observes her. Brynhild polishes her spear with disinterest.

SHAKESPEARE: …and so, this tavern mishap caused you to realize that this “assistance” has… consequences.

ELEANOR: Aye. Everything Nick “fixes” feels hollow, false. The wit he gave me sounded ridiculous coming from my own lips. What worked with Beatrice was simply being myself – awkward and a little too fond of metaphors.

SHAKESPEARE: A vital realization, Eleanor. Your authenticity is your own. You need no “acquirer” to manage it. You have been outsourcing your very soul.

ELEANOR: But the bargain… it feels real, Master Shakespeare. How does one break a pact with the Devil? I doubt there’s a complaints department in Hell.

NICK (V.O.): (Appearing briefly, polishing his fingernails on his sleeve) Our customer satisfaction surveys are hellish, I assure you.

ELEANOR: (Ignoring Nick, to Shakespeare) What do I do?

SHAKESPEARE: The same as one does with a troublesome thought or a persistent habit. Acknowledge it, accept its presence… and choose not to act upon it. You take away its power. You say, “Nay.”

BRYNHILD (V.O.): (To Nick) See? Even mortals understand the concept of free will, you melodramatic fiend.

NICK (V.O.): Easy for you to say, winged wonder. You don’t have quarterly soul quotas to meet.

ELEANOR: (Closes her eyes, takes a deep breath) I am afraid. Afraid of failure, of ridicule, of never being truly heard. And I used this… delusion… to escape.

SHAKESPEARE: Excellent. Now, what do you wish to do, Eleanor? Not the enhanced version. You.

ELEANOR: I want… to invite Lady Beatrice for a walk in the gardens, and offer her my own verses, however clumsy they may be. And I want to feel the uncertainty of whether she will accept. Because that uncertainty is also part of living.

(Nick rolls his eyes with dramatic flair. Brynhild stifles a yawn.)

NICK (V.O.): How dreadfully sentimental. How… human. Are you certain? Think of the power! Never to feel doubt again!

ELEANOR: (Opens her eyes, looking at the empty space where Nick had been) No. I no longer require your… services. I am cancelling my subscription.

(For the first time, Nick looks genuinely surprised. A faint, crackling sound fills the room for a moment. Then, silence.)

SHAKESPEARE: Eleanor?

ELEANOR: (Smiles, a small but genuine smile) I believe… I have just hung up on the Devil.

SHAKESPEARE: (Writes in his notebook, a slight smile playing on his lips) A significant step. Now… let us discuss your tendency towards the dramatization of internal conflict through theological metaphors. We have much to explore.

(Eleanor laughs. It is a laugh that is entirely her own.)

SCENE 5

Setting: A modern university lecture hall. Present day.

Professor Davies, looking dishevelled, stands before his students.

PROFESSOR DAVIES: (With dramatic intensity) …and so, she said to me, “I no longer require your services. I am cancelling my subscription.” I saw her, students! Eleanor Ainsworth! She manifested before me! I swear! She gave me the key to understanding her subtext! The bargain with the… muse! It was all a metaphor for artistic struggle!

STUDENT 1: (Echoing Nick's earlier tone) Professor, are you alright?

PROFESSOR DAVIES: Perfectly alright! Eleanor and I had a breakthrough! In fact, she told me that if I have the courage, I can do anything! Even finish the syllabus on time… without resorting to… drastic measures!

STUDENT 2: (Echoing Brynhild's earlier weariness) Professor… this is the third time this week. Maybe you should take a break? We saw you trying to… reason with the statue of Shakespeare outside.

PROFESSOR DAVIES: Nonsense! The statue is wrestling with its own dramatic arc!

STUDENT 1: Professor, please take some time off. We’ll tell the Dean you’re needed at a conference.

PROFESSOR DAVIES: A break? Preposterous! I have a scholarly duty!

(The students gently guide him towards the door.)

PROFESSOR DAVIES: No! Lady Beatrice awaits! And Shakespeare! The academy calls! Eleanor! My muse! Don’t leave me!

(The students lead him out of the lecture hall as he calls out, his hands raised dramatically. End of play.)

edy in One Act (and Several Modern Andanzas)

Characters:

 * Eleanor Ainsworth (formerly a struggling playwright): A sharp-witted writer in her late 30s, accused of witchcraft due to her unconventional plays and independent spirit. She's weary of the constant scrutiny and limitations placed upon her.

 * Nick (formerly Mephistopheles): Of indeterminate age. He sports a sharply tailored, though slightly outdated, doublet and hose, with an air of theatrical flair. He speaks with a mix of Elizabethan English and modern business jargon. Charismatic, charming, and utterly terrifying.

 * William Shakespeare (the Analyst): In his early 50s. A renowned playwright with a keen understanding of human nature and a surprisingly modern approach to analyzing the human condition. He carries a well-worn notebook and quill.

 * Brynhild (the Muse): A powerful Valkyrie, appearing in shining armour, though occasionally sighing with boredom at earthly affairs. Only Eleanor and Shakespeare can fully perceive her supernatural nature.

 * Lady Beatrice (formerly a disapproving noblewoman): A woman of society in her early 30s, known for her beauty and sharp tongue, though not easily impressed by superficial charm.

 * Professor Davies (the Modern Scholar): A bewildered professor of Dramatic Literature, prone to misinterpretations.

 * Students (Chorus): A couple of university students, looking confused.

SCENE 1

Setting: A secluded part of a forest, rumored to be a place of witchcraft. Late afternoon.

Eleanor laments her stifled creativity and unjust accusations. Nick appears suddenly, adjusting his ruffled collar.

NICK: The soul, good mistress, is a most underperforming asset. Nick, at your service – Acquisitions of Spirit and Advancement of Potential, that’s my purview.

ELEANOR: (Startled) Who are you? Some kind of… forest sprite?

NICK: Think of me as a patron of the arts, a fallen investor, if you will. In exchange for a certain… intangible commodity, I offer you the world: acclaim for your plays, the wit to silence your critics, the very quill of inspiration itself.

ELEANOR: And the catch?

NICK: A simple contract. A handshake will suffice. No parchment, no tedious scribbling.

(They shake hands. Eleanor feels a strange jolt.)

ELEANOR: I feel… strangely invigorated, and yet vaguely sticky.

NICK: Welcome to the premium version of yourself! Now, to our first investment: let us repair to the nearest tavern. You need to network.

SCENE 2

Setting: Shakespeare's study – cluttered with books and manuscripts.

Eleanor, still slightly dazed, recounts her encounter to Shakespeare. Nick hovers invisibly nearby, rolling his eyes.

SHAKESPEARE: So, Mistress Ainsworth, if I understand aright, you have entered into a “business arrangement” with a fellow claiming to be an “acquirer of spirits”?

ELEANOR: Aye, Master Shakespeare! And it works! Ideas flow like ale at a festival. I penned a sonnet and outlined a new tragedy before breakfast! And at the tavern, I met Lady Beatrice. This… Nick… whispered the most persuasive words, and she actually laughed at my rather weak jest about a toothache. I believe she took a liking to me!

SHAKESPEARE: (Raising an eyebrow) And do you not consider that this “Nick” might be a figment of your imagination? A personification of the very confidence you have long sought? A touch of melancholy turned… manic, perhaps?

ELEANOR: Nay, good sir! He is real enough. He smells faintly of brimstone and expensive pomade. When I complained of the local gossip, he suggested we “reframe the narrative” regarding those who spread it. It is the Devil himself, Master Shakespeare!

SHAKESPEARE: My dear Eleanor, in matters of the human mind, we tend to avoid such… theological diagnoses. Let us consider this a… dissociative coping mechanism. Now, tell me more of this “intangible commodity” and the termination clause… Have you experienced any… unusual urges?

(Suddenly, visible only to Eleanor and Shakespeare, Brynhild appears, leaning against a bookshelf, looking slightly bored.)

BRYNHILD (V.O.): (To Shakespeare and Eleanor) Another mortal making deals with the underworld. Honestly, they never learn. At least this one has some spark.

NICK (V.O.): (To Brynhild) Oh, look who it is. The drama queen of Valhalla. Here to offer some thunderous platitudes?

ELEANOR: (To Shakespeare) I see… a rather imposing woman in armour… glaring at something I cannot perceive.

SHAKESPEARE: (Calmly) Indeed? Perhaps it is a… manifestation of your inner strength, Eleanor. Now, about these urges…

SCENE 3

Setting: A bustling tavern.

Eleanor and Lady Beatrice are talking and laughing. Nick hovers, prompting Eleanor. Brynhild observes with a detached air.

NICK (V.O.): Tell her her beauty eclipses the stars! Lay it on thick!

ELEANOR: (To Lady Beatrice) My lady, your… countenance… possesses a certain… stellar quality.

LADY BEATRICE: (Looking slightly bewildered) Good heavens, Eleanor, are you feeling quite well? You’ve been reading too much Marlowe, I fear.

NICK (V.O.): Abort mission! She’s losing interest! Initiate Plan B! The spilled wine gambit!

ELEANOR: I am not spilling wine on her.

(Nick snaps his fingers. A clumsy serving wench promptly trips and spills a tankard of ale over a nearby patron, creating a minor commotion.)

BRYNHILD (V.O.): (Sighing) Amateurs. Such crude tactics. A true enchantment requires finesse.

SCENE 4

Setting: Shakespeare's study.

Eleanor is more thoughtful. Shakespeare observes her. Brynhild polishes her spear with disinterest.

SHAKESPEARE: …and so, this tavern mishap caused you to realize that this “assistance” has… consequences.

ELEANOR: Aye. Everything Nick “fixes” feels hollow, false. The wit he gave me sounded ridiculous coming from my own lips. What worked with Beatrice was simply being myself – awkward and a little too fond of metaphors.

SHAKESPEARE: A vital realization, Eleanor. Your authenticity is your own. You need no “acquirer” to manage it. You have been outsourcing your very soul.

ELEANOR: But the bargain… it feels real, Master Shakespeare. How does one break a pact with the Devil? I doubt there’s a complaints department in Hell.

NICK (V.O.): (Appearing briefly, polishing his fingernails on his sleeve) Our customer satisfaction surveys are hellish, I assure you.

ELEANOR: (Ignoring Nick, to Shakespeare) What do I do?

SHAKESPEARE: The same as one does with a troublesome thought or a persistent habit. Acknowledge it, accept its presence… and choose not to act upon it. You take away its power. You say, “Nay.”

BRYNHILD (V.O.): (To Nick) See? Even mortals understand the concept of free will, you melodramatic fiend.

NICK (V.O.): Easy for you to say, winged wonder. You don’t have quarterly soul quotas to meet.

ELEANOR: (Closes her eyes, takes a deep breath) I am afraid. Afraid of failure, of ridicule, of never being truly heard. And I used this… delusion… to escape.

SHAKESPEARE: Excellent. Now, what do you wish to do, Eleanor? Not the enhanced version. You.

ELEANOR: I want… to invite Lady Beatrice for a walk in the gardens, and offer her my own verses, however clumsy they may be. And I want to feel the uncertainty of whether she will accept. Because that uncertainty is also part of living.

(Nick rolls his eyes with dramatic flair. Brynhild stifles a yawn.)

NICK (V.O.): How dreadfully sentimental. How… human. Are you certain? Think of the power! Never to feel doubt again!

ELEANOR: (Opens her eyes, looking at the empty space where Nick had been) No. I no longer require your… services. I am cancelling my subscription.

(For the first time, Nick looks genuinely surprised. A faint, crackling sound fills the room for a moment. Then, silence.)

SHAKESPEARE: Eleanor?

ELEANOR: (Smiles, a small but genuine smile) I believe… I have just hung up on the Devil.

SHAKESPEARE: (Writes in his notebook, a slight smile playing on his lips) A significant step. Now… let us discuss your tendency towards the dramatization of internal conflict through theological metaphors. We have much to explore.

(Eleanor laughs. It is a laugh that is entirely her own.)

SCENE 5

Setting: A modern university lecture hall. Present day.

Professor Davies, looking dishevelled, stands before his students.

PROFESSOR DAVIES: (With dramatic intensity) …and so, she said to me, “I no longer require your services. I am cancelling my subscription.” I saw her, students! Eleanor Ainsworth! She manifested before me! I swear! She gave me the key to understanding her subtext! The bargain with the… muse! It was all a metaphor for artistic struggle!

STUDENT 1: (Echoing Nick's earlier tone) Professor, are you alright?

PROFESSOR DAVIES: Perfectly alright! Eleanor and I had a breakthrough! In fact, she told me that if I have the courage, I can do anything! Even finish the syllabus on time… without resorting to… drastic measures!

STUDENT 2: (Echoing Brynhild's earlier weariness) Professor… this is the third time this week. Maybe you should take a break? We saw you trying to… reason with the statue of Shakespeare outside.

PROFESSOR DAVIES: Nonsense! The statue is wrestling with its own dramatic arc!

STUDENT 1: Professor, please take some time off. We’ll tell the Dean you’re needed at a conference.

PROFESSOR DAVIES: A break? Preposterous! I have a scholarly duty!

(The students gently guide him towards the door.)

PROFESSOR DAVIES: No! Lady Beatrice awaits! And Shakespeare! The academy calls! Eleanor! My muse! Don’t leave me!

(The students lead him out of the lecture hall as he calls out, his hands raised dramatically. End of play.)