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"Honorable
Chamber of Winchester"
A
Comedy
By Ben Gavarré
ACT I –
A New Day
Dawns
SCENE: The interior of the House of
Representatives in Winchester. A large, ornate chamber with grand chandeliers
and portraits of serious-looking men in powdered wigs. The air is thick with
the smell of cheap tobacco and stale beer. A group of portly congressmen,
dressed in dark suits, are either dozing or grumbling to each other.
CONGRESSMAN
1: (Waking up with a jolt) Goodness gracious! This is a dreadful hangover.
I must have been smoking the last of my Cuban cigars all night.
CONGRESSMAN
2: (Without opening his eyes, patting his belly) Don't talk so loud,
buddy! You'll wake me up!
CONGRESSMAN
3: (Scoffing) Be quiet, gentlemen! My dear wife, the fourth one, is
probably asking for a new fur coat as we speak. I need to buy a new carriage.
CONGRESSMAN
4: (With a booming voice) The people demand more accountability!
CONGRESSMAN
1: (Laughing heartily) The people! They just work so we can have our five
mansions, our three carriages, and our seven wives!
(A group of
women, led by Cándida, enters with confident strides. They are dressed in men's
suits, with fake mustaches and top hats. The congressmen look at them with
suspicion.)
CONGRESSMAN
2: (Squinting) Who are these new faces? I don't recall seeing them before.
CÁNDIDA: (With a low, gravelly voice) We
are from the new sector, gentlemen. We came from the heart of the people to
bring order to this foul place.
CONGRESSMAN
3: (Standing up, full of arrogance) This is no place for you, young men!
This is the honorable House of Representatives of Winchester! And the only ones
who can enter are those with money!
CÁNDIDA: (Smiling) Don't you worry. We
have more money than all of you combined. (She gestures to her group, and they
take off their hats and mustaches, revealing their faces.)
CONGRESSMAN
4: (Stammering) But... but... you are women!
CÁNDIDA: Yes, gentlemen! And today is
the day we take power!
(The
women's group advances toward the congressmen, who freeze in terror.)
CONGRESSMAN
1: (Trembling) But why, miss? The law states that women cannot vote!
CÁNDIDA: (Laughing loudly) And it also
states that you cannot steal! (She points to the portraits in the chamber.) You
made a constitution to protect yourselves! But the one we are about to vote on
will not have a way back!
(The women
spread out through the chamber, each taking a key position. One grabs the
microphone, another sits in the Speaker's chair, and a third one turns off the
TV.)
CONGRESSMAN
2: (Wailing) No! My baseball game!
CÁNDIDA: (With a triumphant voice)
Silence! As of today, the women of Winchester are in control. And so there's no
doubt, here is the first decree of the new era: (She grabs a gavel and hits the
table) It is hereby forbidden for any man to have more than one carriage, one
mansion, and one wife!
(The
congressmen faint from shock.)
CONGRESSMAN
3: (Screaming in horror) Nooooo! My carriages! My wives! My mansions!
CÁNDIDA: (Laughing) And the worst part,
gentlemen! As of today, you will have to go to the market! (She walks to the
door and gestures for the women waiting outside to enter.) Let the people in!
(A crowd of
women, some with pots, some with garbage cans, and others with brooms, rushes
in. Some take the coats of the congressmen, others make them sweep, and others
force them to cook.)
ACT II - The New Order
(The sound
of sirens is heard, and General Suárez, a muscular man covered in medals,
enters the chamber, followed by his assistant.)
GENERAL
SUÁREZ: (Drawing a pistol with a hoarse, heavy voice) In the name of the
super-secure security service! Hands up! The operation is canceled!
CÁNDIDA: (Crossing her arms) General
Suárez! Aren't you ashamed? Threatening these brave women with a water pistol?
GENERAL
SUÁREZ: (Confused) But this isn't a water pistol! It's a 9-millimeter!
CÁNDIDA: (Laughing) Oh, General! Times
have changed.
(A woman,
who seemed normal until now, enters and stands behind General Suárez. Suddenly,
she pulls out a water pistol and points it at his head.)
COMBATANT
WOMAN 1: Hands up, General! Today, you face justice!
GENERAL
SUÁREZ: (Turns pale) Who are you? I am the highest authority of the security
service!
COMBATANT
WOMAN 2: (Runs in, takes off his hat, and hands him a broom) The Winchester
security service has been replaced! Now it's us, the super-combatant women! The
ones who will bring order to this country!
(General
Suárez starts to cry in frustration as Cándida sits in the Speaker's chair and
looks directly at the audience.)
CÁNDIDA: As of today, in this honorable
House, the voice of the people will be heard!
(The
congressmen cry like babies as they are forced to do chores, and a woman, with
a broom, hits one of the congressmen on the head, forcing him to sweep.)
Chorus and Parabasis
(The light
focuses on the Chorus of Grumbling Congressmen, who stand at the front of the
stage. They wear aprons and wipe their tears with their fists. On the other
side, the Chorus of Empowered Women, in formal uniforms, smiles triumphantly.)
Chorus of Grumbling Congressmen
(To the
rhythm of a lament, rubbing their hands and looking at the audience.)
Oh, woe is me, for I now do chores!
Oh, woe is me, for I now wash and iron!
No more parties or expensive liquor,
Only beans and a humble cottage!
Our carriages, our mansions,
Our wives are all gone!
Now we are the servants
Of those who will govern us!
Chorus of Empowered Women
(With a
strong and powerful voice, in a tone of victory.)
The lounging and the laziness are over!
The stealing and the partying are over!
Now you'll have to clean up
And do whatever we say!
Women are strong!
Women are wise!
With our mustaches proudly on,
The nonsense is finally over!
Parabasis - The Message to the Audience
(Cándida
Tasiemprelista walks to the center of the stage and looks at the audience. She
takes off her fake mustache and puts it in her pocket. With a smile, she speaks
in a gentle and calm voice.)
CÁNDIDA: (Addressing the audience) You,
who watch us today in this theater, have laughed at us and at them. At the men,
who were lazy and corrupt. At us, who disguised ourselves and used revenge as a
weapon. The truth is that both choruses, the one of the whining men and the one
of the empowered women, are just two sides of the same coin.
Don't be
fooled by the mustache or the apron. A country only moves forward if men and
women look each other in the eye, listen to each other, and agree on what is
best for all. It doesn't matter if someone is a man or a woman, or where they
come from. What matters is that everyone works together to build a better
world.
(Cándida
bows and winks at the audience. The play ends with a loud applause.)
