Victoria Selena's secrets (A New York-style, campy version for a fading star) By Ben Gavarré

 

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Victoria Selena's secrets

(A New York-style, campy version for a fading star)

 

By Ben Gavarré

 

This work has been published for free and open dissemination, although all intellectual property rights are reserved. The public use of this work requires the author's permission and in order to obtain the corresponding authorization contact bengavarre@gmail.com or gavarreunam@gmail.com (Reg. Prop. Int. Expte. Inbox)

 

 

Victoria Selena's secrets

 

Characters:

• Victoria Selena: An icon. A legend. A hot mess.
• Ulises Serna: A TV host. A vulture in a cheap suit.
• Lía: Victoria’s long-suffering assistant. Her main job is keeping Victoria from falling over.

Setting the Scene:

Victoria Selena’s dressing room is a glitzy, chaotic nightmare. Empty champagne bottles everywhere, clothes strewn about, and some awful pop music blaring. Victoria, in a sequined gown, is perched on a vanity table while Lía desperately tries to fix her hair. Ulises, sweating and with his camera shaking, is trying to keep up.

Dialogue:

ULISES

(Moves the camera closer, a sheen of sweat on his forehead)

We’re here, live and exclusive, with the myth who rose from the ashes. The one, the only, Victoria Selena! Victoria, your comeback is a real epic... but people are dying to know if that hellhole, “Impacting Your Life for the Better,” really made you... who you are now?

VICTORIA

(Lets out a sharp, musical laugh. Lía winks. Victoria winks back and then stares at Ulises)

Hellhole? Darling, please! It made me... more zen. (Taps her temple). I'm pretty sure in one of the beatings I lost my short-term memory, and now I’m the happiest woman alive. It's the most effective therapy, believe me.

ULISES

(Taken aback, forces a laugh)

That’s... an unconventional approach.

VICTORIA

Hardly. The place was run by this woman, Adelaida, the “Queen of the Dumpster,” who turned charity into performance art. She made her volunteers fight over scraps. It was like a little talent show for the tragically un-talented!

LÍA

(Whispering to Victoria, but loud enough for the mic to catch)

Remember, the donors are watching. You have to be... grateful.

VICTORIA

(Looks at Lía, then at Ulises, with a theatrical flourish)

Of course, Lía! Never forget the donors. A big thank you to everyone who gave us the stale pastries from fancy bakeries! They were divine! We were living on the high cuisine of the gutter. (Takes a swig of champagne and offers it to the camera). Cheers.

ULISES

(Coughs awkwardly)

There’s been a lot of talk about the Holy Bride. Such an... enigmatic figure.

VICTORIA

(Lounges back on the vanity table, smiling)

Ah, yes. The Bride. She was this lady who would whisper in my ear that the whole room smelled like “a thousand festering dead bodies.” Isn't that just D-vine? (Shrugs). I never knew if she wanted to seduce me or if she was my spiritual guru. They called her “Her Bride,” you know. A very... open-ended concept.

LÍA

(Fiddles with Victoria's necklace with forced urgency)

Ma'am, we're running out of time!

VICTORIA

(To Lía, in a hushed, conspiratorial tone)

Patience, my love. The real show is this interview, not the little dance number later. (Looks at the camera) The Bride once gave me new clothes. We were like those creepy dolls from horror movies, dressed up in designer rags. So chic! It was high-end fashion of despair!

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ULISES

(Dares to ask)

And Gervasio? That man...

VICTORIA

(Gets up, shakes her dress, and a cloud of glitter lands on Ulises’s face. Lía snickers quietly)

Gervasio? The Gourmet! An expert in female anatomy, and he wasn’t even a doctor! He'd wander around the “dormitory” like he was in a grocery store, offering roasted chicken in exchange for... you know. I gave him a nervous breakdown, threw him on the floor, and he got so scared he farted. From then on, he saw me as damaged goods.

ULISES

(Wipes his face, looking disturbed)

The famous party...

VICTORIA

(Puts a champagne glass on her head like a hat)

Adelaida's party! A total circus. They made me dance for them, like a trained monkey. They said, “You’re the exact same Victoria Selena from the big screen!” (Her voice goes flat, as if she’s reciting a terrible poem). I was burning up with fever, but I danced. At that moment, I was a performance artist.

LÍA

(Takes the glass off with a giggle)

Ma'am, your hair!

VICTORIA

(Laughs theatrically, like a comic book villain)

The real masterpiece was the party itself! Adelaida and Gervasio, sitting on their little throne, watching me dance... And Gervasio's son... the prince of poverty...

ULISES

(With the camera shaking)

Ramirito... what happened to him?

VICTORIA

(Forgets for a second what she was going to say. Looks at Lía, who gives her a subtle signal)

Oh, right. Ramirito. (Shrugs) It's complicated. Let's just say his arrival ruined the party in a very... final way. He had a breakdown, and so did his victim.

ULISES

(His mouth is dry)

But... the end? The rescue?

VICTORIA

(Winks at the camera)

Rescue? The ending's a joke! The cops found nothing. The Bride betrayed me and saved me. Poetic, right? They stuffed me in a sack, along with another body, so no one would find me. It was express delivery, you see. I woke up in a vacant lot and now I'm a dancing ghost.

ULISES

(Lost)

But... how did you get here?

VICTORIA

(Stands up, strikes a star pose. Lía gives her a final touch-up)

I ended up in a hospital, got rehab on a beach, and here I am. The truth is, Ulises, the story isn’t that tragic. It’s a low-budget thriller, a dark comedy. The real tragedy is that my past is now my biggest asset.

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Victoria struts out of the dressing room. You can hear applause and cheers. The background music swells.

ULISES

(Looks at the camera, his eyes misty from the glitter and confusion)

And... there you have it... Victoria Selena. Beyond good and evil.

 

FADE TO BLACK

 

 (Ballad of Victoria Selena - New York Diva Style)

 

(Corrido music, with accordion and ranchera guitar, 2/4 rhythm - imagine a country-western song with a sassy Broadway twist)

 

(Upbeat and cheeky musical intro)

 

In a dressing room, glitter and sweat,

Victoria Selena, no regrets, not yet!

Along comes Ulises, camera in hand,

Diggin' for dirt, across the whole land.

And he found diamonds and gold and perfume

 

"Hellhole?" she scoffed, "Oh, what a grand lie!

I lost my memory, way up in the sky!

With bumps and with bruises, my mind's free and clear,

Empty and happy! It banished all fear!"

 

(Musical Interlude)

 

His son, little monkey, a punk with no class,

With his reggaeton, he was a total dumb!

He stirred up trouble, what a wild spree!

Left "The New Girl" in pure misery.

 

(Victoria strikes a triumphant pose as the music plays on)

 

Look at me, bitch ¡I am the one!

Victoria Selena, beyond wrong and right!"

They're all such fools! I will be always your queen

 

(Corrido music with a guitar and accordion outro, Victoria laughs maniacally as the curtain falls)

 

 

Version 2

 

In a dressing room, between glitter and sweat,

Victoria Selena, what a great attraction!

A certain Ulysses arrived, camera in hand,

Looking for the story, like a good villain.

 

"Hell?" he said, "What a big blowout.

I lost my memory, blessed occasion!

With blows and scratches,

my mind was left Empty

and blissful! And God saved me!"

The son, a little monkey, lawless brat,

With all his fat, what a poor viceroy!

It made a fuss, what a great festival!

He left the "Nuevita" in a terrible state.

I look at the camera

And no one is the same

I'm a star Victoria Selena,

I will always be.